


Knowing It Should Have Been You

by capricornkitty1975



Category: Naruto
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Cheating, Dirty Talk, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Murder, Non-Canon Relationship, POV First Person, Painful Sex, Police, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SPOILER: kakanaru is endgame for anyone who cares, Smut, Time Skips, bad moral choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2020-10-18 00:36:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20630165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capricornkitty1975/pseuds/capricornkitty1975
Summary: I should have trusted myself more...I mean, what the hell was I thinking?  Why did I hook them up?  It kills me to see them together.  I am DEFINITELY the number one knucklehead.  And now I have to live with Kakashi and Iruka-sensei, since they are engaged.  I am so totally fucked.*Don't own Naruto, but I do own the plot, so no klepto please.  This is non-cannon*





	1. Idiot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jofisk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jofisk/gifts), [Nashi_ossu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nashi_ossu/gifts), [Riddle_of_the_sphinx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riddle_of_the_sphinx/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).

> So, my life is beyond crazy right now. This idea keeps bugging me, so we will see where it goes. May or may not update because of, well, life. Inspired by Usher's, "You Make Me Wanna..." Forgotten Saviour is on hiatus right now.  
This gets enough interest, I may continue it .

_Oh, look Idiot. There is your soulmate and your dad moving in together. And who do you have to thank for that? Oh, right...nobody but you. Idiot._

I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I sat down a box. Seeing Kakashi lean over and Iruka, my adopted dad, whisper in his ear made me want to puke. Why the fuck did I introduce my dad to the guy I loved? Oh, right...cause Iruka made a comment about how cute Kakashi was and Kakashi thinks of me as nothing but a friend. If Kakashi was off the market, then I could maybe finally be happy with Sasuke.

As Kakashi let out a laugh, I frowned. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at me. Shaking my head. I moved on up the stairs, Sasuke hauling a box up behind me.

"Wanna get out of here?" Sasuke asked, slinging an arm over my shoulder after setting his box down. Giving a look at Iruka, who nodded, I shrugged, grabbing my wallet and following my boyfriend out. As I shut the door I heard the baritone chuckle slide down my spine.


	2. My Best Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay...I had to have emergency surgery and that has put me behind on lots of things, especially with the restrictions. Got enough interest, I'll continue with this one. Thanks for the support.  
~CK75

“So, why you so tense?” Sasuke asked me as we sat down at Minaken’s.

I shrugged, letting out a huff of breath as the waitress sat down a water for me and a black coffee for Sasuke. “Nothin’.” I lied.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “I’ve been dating you for six months and I’ve known you ever since you slipped out your mother’s twat. Something’s wrong.” He stared at me. I just shrugged. I knew what was wrong, but I sure as _hell_ was not going to tell him. I mean, what am I supposed to do? ‘Oh Sasuke, see, I love you, I really do, but I love Kakashi too?’ Oh yea, that would go over _so_ well. Sasuke is…possessive to say the least. I don’t think he’d be interested in sharing me with my best friend…_especially_ my best friend. Sasuke has always been…weird…around Kakashi. I don’t know if it’s cause he is ten years older than us or what. Nevertheless, Sasuke and Kakashi have not seen eye to eye.

Sakura saved me then. Walking up with her girlfriend of forever, Sakura and Hinata smiled at me. “Hi, Naruto, Sasuke.” Sasuke just nodded, sullen eyes looking at them. He loved to be interrupted. Is my sarcasm evident? I hope so. “Can we join you?”

“Like you’d listen if I said no.” Sasuke grumbled. Sakura gave me a questioning look. If I let them sit, I would never hear the end of it with Sasuke. I didn’t feel like getting into it more with him than I already had. 

I gave them what I hoped was an apologetic look and shrugged. They looked at us questioningly but moved on. I frowned at Sasuke. “You don’t have to be a dick all the time.” I pointed out grouchily.

“Well you are the one being all moody after I came over to help your future step-dad move in.” Sasuke pointed out as he hit a nerve. “What, are you all mad now that your dad has a live-in boyfriend? I thought you’d be happy your dad was dating your best friend.” Sasuke said a smidge of anger on the word “best”. Told you he was possessive. He never liked me hanging out with Kakashi, even before we started dating.

“Look, I’m tired and going home. Good night Sasuke.” Standing, I pushed out my chair and headed home.

()()()

Walking in, I noticed it was dark. Guess they went to bed early. Going into the kitchen, I pulled out some leftovers from the fridge and started to make a sandwich. About then, I noticed Kakashi standing in the doorway. Fuck, he actually _lounged_ in the doorway in sweatpants and no shirt. “Hey ‘Kashi.” I mumbled. It had to be a felony to look that good.

“Hungry?” He asked mildly. 

I shrugged and started building my sandwich. After I sat down, Kakashi frowned at me. “Naruto, you can talk to me. What’s wrong?” The concern in his voice made me want to cry. I really fucked this one up.

I just shrugged. Looking at my sandwich, I just kept chewing.

“You and Sasuke fight?” Kakashi scooted his chair closer. I just shrugged again. “Hey. Just cause your dad and me are dating does not mean you and I aren’t best friends. You can talk to me.”

Suddenly, the sandwich wasn’t really that appetizing. I just dropped it. “I’m just tired, Kakashi.”

Kakashi sighed. “I don’t…I mean…I love Iruka, but you are my best friend and have been for ten years. If this is going to bother you, I will move out. I don’t want to lose you, Naruto. You’ve been with me through the toughest time of my life.”

The raw sincerity in his voice shocked me. Looking up, I could read the honesty in his eyes. He would move out, just because I was upset. Frowning, I felt myself shaking my head no. “No, Kakashi. I … don’t want you to move out.” I couldn’t make my best friend miserable just because I was stupid. Kakashi didn’t love me, he loved my dad. “I’…just missing Dad. I don’t think I could’ve made it after Mom and Dad died if I hadn’t had you.”

Kakashi smiled and patted my hand. “I don’t know how much I really did. Iruka took you in and raised you. I just let you talk to me…a lot.” He winked at me. I saw the scar over his eye that was still a reminder of that day my mom and dad died. 

“Yea.” I scoffed. He did a hell of a lot more than that. But I didn’t feel like rehashing the Sad Train tonight. Standing, I put a hand on his shoulder. “You sell yourself short.” Leaving the kitchen, I went up to my bedroom and flopped on the bed. Putting some air pods in, I listened to music until I fell asleep.

_Mom, dad, Kakashi and me had just seen the movie, Flight of the Navigator. It was re-released for the theater and was always one of my favorite movies. Walking out, I grabbed Kakashi’s hand and my mom’s. He must have been about 17 at the time. Yea, that’s right, cause I was 7. Swinging between them, it had been a great night. I yapped on about the movie, Kakashi smiling and responding. He was really cute even back then. Suddenly I felt Kakashi stiffen as I heard the guy’s voice “Gimme the money and nothing’ll happen to the kids.” Looking over, I saw one guy with a gun on mom and Dad. That’s when I saw the other two guys with knives, coming up._

_Suddenly, there was a bang and I saw blood that matched my mom’s hair coming out of her. As I screamed and tried to run for her, I felt something graze my back as I heard Kakashi grunt. Falling, I turned around and saw Kakashi fighting the guy off my back. I saw the knife slice his eye and I screamed, wrapping my arms around the guy’s neck and beating on his back. All of a sudden, I was flung off and everything went black._

_Wh…why am I in a hospital? Climbing off the bed, I saw Kakashi was in the bed next to me. He saw me and motioned for me to lay down in his bed with him. Seeing him, I crawled up in the bed with him. His left eye was bandaged up. He smiled, holding me close. “Kashi…I…I’m sorry about your eye. Will it get better soon?”_

_Kakashi smiled. “It’ll be fine…somehow missed my eye. I’ll just have a scar. Make me look tough, huh?”_

_I grinned back at him. “You ARE tough.” Looking around for mom and dad, I looked back at him. “Where’s Mom?” As he let out a ragged breath, I knew that Mom was dead. “W…what about Dad?” I asked. The crushing hug he gave me told me everything. I cried._

Jerking awake, I frowned. I hated that fucking dream. Flipping over as I laid back down, I fell back asleep.

()()()

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

Opening an eye, I glared at the offending poke. Seeing those black eyes, I was suddenly only mildly annoyed. “What Kakashi?”

Kakashi smiled. “You forgot your promise already? I’m offended.” Kakashi sounded mildly put out…in a humorous way.

I wracked my brain…suddenly. “Oh…of course not!” Getting up I started grabbing some clothes. “I’ll get a shower then we can get going.” Heading into the bathroom, I jumped in the shower. We had planned to spend the day out because Iruka had to be at a conference and Sasuke had to work a double. Kakashi and I were both off. Iruka’s birthday was coming up, and neither of us had a present yet. We figured this was a perfect time.

Scrubbing off, I got out and got dressed in jeans and a navy tee. Grabbing my wallet, I looked up at Kakashi…only by about three inches, but still, I had to look up. “Ready?” he asked as I went behind him outside. 

“We walking or riding?” I asked, looking around. As Kakashi walked up to his motorcycle, that answered my question. As I put on my helmet, I settled in behind Kakashi on his motorcycle. Kakashi looked back at me. “Where to first?” Thinking for a moment, I grinned.

“Ina-san’s.” She was a rare book dealer. Iruka loved books, as evidenced by our very large library. I’m sure we could find a book he’d like. He loved books for books sakes. And I knew Kakashi would like it too as that was a big common ground for Iruka and Kakashi. Nodding, Kakashi zoomed off. Holding on, I laid my head on his back. Was I being a girl? Yes…but I didn’t care. I was getting Kakashi to myself for a whole day.


	3. Our Day

Looking around at all the books, I was at a total loss. I don’t read. I don’t like reading. It’s boring. So I never paid attention to what Iruka read. Hell, I never paid attention to what Kakashi read. Walking among the dust, I frowned. Looking through the titles made my head hurt. Looking around, I saw Kakashi sitting in a chair, his nose in a book. Blowing my bangs out of my eyes, I walked over to him, looking to see what he was reading.

“Did you find something?” Kakashi asked me, never taking his eyes from the book.

“Uh, no, not really. I dunno what Iruka likes to read.” I felt kinda stupid admitting that. Kakashi looked up and smirked.

“You could try a book on Audible or Kindle or a CD…” The teasing tone of his voice made my face heat up. I don’t want him to think I’m stupid, but I’m not nearly as intellectual as he is…okay, I’m not intellectual at all.

“I’m not like you.” I mumble and walk off towards the New Age shelf self-consciously. Iruka is really edgy, and I’m always trying to get him to relax. Maybe if I get him a mediation book he can calm down. Looking through a few of them, I finally pick one. Going to the checkout, I see a small set of boxes set like presents under a tree. Going over, I noticed that the sign said it was “Evening with the Author”. Looking at the sign, there were going to be a night of a dinner with the author. Looking at the author, it was Jiraiya. He writes those pervy books. I think they might be illegal.

Shrugging, I checked out and went over to the café, buying myself a hot cocoa and Kakashi a green tea. Grabbing them, I walked back to Kakashi, who was still reading. “Want a tea?” I offered him. He looked up at me and smiled. Taking it, he took a sip. 

“You know me so well.” He winked and got up with the book. I saw he had another book. 

“Did you find something for Iruka?” I asked.

“Hai…and myself too.” He winked at me again. I stopped to get my stomach off the floor after the wink that set the butterflies carting my stomach off as Kakashi went on up to the cashier to buy his books. Catching up with him, we walked out. “Where now?” He asked as we got to his motorcycle and he stashed the books. I noticed that the one book was one of those pervy books by that Jiraiya guy.

“Aw, Kashi…really? You bought porn for Dad?” I didn’t want to think of Dad reading porn and then acting it out with Kashi.

“No.” Kakashi responded, taking another drink of tea.

“What, are you going to say that Jiraiya doesn’t write porn?” I frowned and crossed my arms, taking another drink my hot chocolate.

“No, he does.” Kakashi said, straight faced.

“Well then what…” suddenly it clicked and I felt my face go hot. He bought the book for _himself!_ Turning from Kakashi I gulped the hot chocolate, burning my tongue in my haste. “Damnit.” I spit the drink out and threw the rest away in a trash can. That bastard had the audacity to laugh. Frowning I turned around as Kakashi finished his tea and tossed his cup.

“Whereto now?” Kakashi asked, leaning against his bike.

My mouth was dry. Seriously, I know he was breaking laws everyday with the way he looked. “Y…you hungry?” I asked.

Kakashi nodded. “I didn’t eat breakfast.” Grabbing my hand, he drug me into a shop I hadn’t noticed. I stumbled as the electricity shocked up my hand. Swallowing hard I walked in with him. Sitting down on the floor I looked at Kakashi. I had never been here. 

“What’s this?” I asked, looking around. The smells were weird.

“Indian. I don’t remember you ever saying you had Indian before. It has a bunch of wonderful, savory dishes. So have an open mind, try this without complaint, and I’ll buy you ramen for supper. Deal?” He asked, looking at me, knowing my weak spot.

I grinned. “Deal. How can I say no to ramen?” I looked at the menu. “What’s hot?” I asked. _Besides you._ I added to myself.

“Well, you could have some Chicken Vindaloo, that is rather spicy. Also, you can ask them to heat anything up or tone anything down. Tandoori, Lamb Curry, Chana Masala…the choices are varied.” The waiter came up and looked at us.

“Uh…Chicken Vindaloo, please.” I ordered. Then Kakashi ordered a whole mouthful of stuff as I took a sip of water. I looked around. There really weren’t many people here. “So, how did you find this place?” I asked.

“Iruka brought me here before.” Kakashi noted.

“Really?” I asked, blinking. I didn’t know that Iruka liked Indian food.

“Really.” He grinned. The waiter delivered our food.

()()()

I had to admit, the Indian food was very delicious. I hadn’t expected to enjoy the spice…but I did. Maybe Kakashi did know something about savory, after all.

After lunch, we decided to watch a movie. I won the rock paper scissors battle and so we went to watch Stephen King’s It. They were playing a double feature so I _kinda_ cheated and got two for one, but Kakashi didn’t say anything. Kakashi noted he wasn’t much into horror movies, but he would be a good sport since he lost the battle. As we walked into the theater, it was pretty packed. I found us two seats in the back. Making our way there, we sat down as the lights dimmed.

I enjoy horror films and I thoroughly enjoyed this one. However, I enjoyed sharing the popcorn with Kakashi more, since our hands brushed several times and I had to stop from squealing like a little girl. Peaking over at Kakashi, he looked…_bored??_ After the movie, I looked at Kakashi as we walked out. “What did you think?” I sneaked a look at him.

Kakashi shrugged. “I’m not much into horror movies. I like more psychological terror movies.”

I looked at Kakashi like he was an alien. “And you don’t think this was a psychologically terrifying movie?” I was almost indignant.

“I never said that.” How he kept that straight face I have no idea.

“You drive me nuts.” I groaned, noting that the sun was low in the sky. I didn’t like that the day was ending. I was really enjoying being around Kakashi.

As Kakashi zoomed me to my ramen dinner on his bike, I leaned against him. _Why couldn’t I have been born eight years earlier than I was? _Huffing, I held on. _Maybe then I’d have a chance._ I saw on my watch that Sasuke texted me to see if I wanted to eat dinner with him. _Maybe _I ignored it…

Getting off the bike and heading into Miri-suma’s, my mouth watered. This was my _favorite_ ramen place, but it was kinda expensive, so I didn’t go here much. I turned and looked at Kakashi. “Um…are you sure you know what you are doing? I’m not a cheap date with ramen.” I warned.

Kakashi winked. “I know your appetites.” I rolled my eyes. No, he didn’t, or we’d be together instead of him dating my dad. Ignoring that thought, I went and sat down in a back booth, facing a corner since Kakashi always liked to have his back to a wall. Kakashi came and sat down. After ordering, Kakashi grabbed my hand. Surprised, I looked up.

“So…” his voice warned me he was going into a topic I wouldn’t want to delve into. Letting out a big sigh, he looked at me. “We need to talk, Naruto.” His voice was serious.

I tensed. “Why?”

Kakashi looked up at me. “I’m worried about you.”

“Me?” I pointed at myself, shocked. I could feel my eyes were huge.

Nodding, his bangs fluffing in the breeze, his worried voice came out, “Is Sasuke treating you well?” Kakashi asked, pinning me with his stare.

“Yea, of course. Why would you ask that?” I was confused. Sasuke had never hit me, I never had any marks.

“You don’t seem happy, Naruto. You seem rather tense and just…I don’t know…unhappy. I wasn’t sure if it was Sasuke or not.” He stared at me.

“No. It’s not Sasuke.” I admitted, caught in his stare.

“So, you admit you aren’t happy. Why, Naruto? Please, let me help you.” Kakashi’s concern seeped through his voice. 

I just shrugged, looking away. I can’t explain what’s wrong. I can’t tell Kakashi I love him. But Kakashi won’t give up. I know the man and when he is determined, he is determined. Letting out a big huff, I looked up. Deciding on a half disclosure, I tried to appease Kakashi. “Kakashi, you can’t help me. I love Sasuke, I really do. But I’m in love with someone else. I can’t be with them, so I’m settling for Sasuke. I don’t want to be alone for all my life.” I shrugged.

Kakashi looked at me, shock and sadness in his eyes. “Naruto…” It looked like he was about to tell me to not settle. I braced myself. What he said next shocked the hell out of me. “I understand. Try to make the best of it, alright?”

I looked shocked. “Wha…you aren’t telling me to break up with him? To not settle, as settling isn’t fair to anyone involved?” Okay, maybe I had thought about this whole topic waaaaay too much.

“No. If I tell you something, will you promise to not tell anyone, and not think less of me?” Kakashi asked. I wanted to tell Kakashi I could never think less of him, but somehow the words wouldn’t come out, so I just shook my head and braced myself for whatever it was he had to say. Kakashi continued, “ I love Iruka, I really do. But, I understand where you are coming from. My heart belongs to someone I can never have. While I don’t care if I’m alone or not, I find Iruka’s company preferable to being alone. I can see myself living my life with Iruka and being comfortable. And besides, I get to see you more this way too.” He smiled. “I hope you don’t become angry with me. I’m not using Iruka, I do love him. He’s comfortable and nice.” His eyes begged me not to judge.

I smiled at him. I guess we had some similar ideas we didn’t know each other had. “How can I be mad at you for doing the same thing I am doing?” The food was set down. As we dug in, we were silent. After a few bites I looked up. “Are they still alive?” I asked Kakashi. His answer was imperative to my next question, if I even had a next question.

Kakashi looked up. “Is who still alive?” Kakashi’s eyebrow shot up. I noticed he kept his bangs covering his scar.

“The person who your heart belongs to.” I responded.

Kakashi coughed and took a sip of water. “Ahem, yes, _he_ is still alive. I know my father would have rather me been bisexual so he could have an heir, but I’m homosexual.” Kakashi looked back at his plate.

“Then how did you do it? How did you move on and become happy?” I asked. “Cause…I’m not happy, but I want to be.”

Kakashi looked at me. “You honestly want to know? I just put it out of my mind.”

I sagged. “That doesn’t help. Your will power is stronger than mine.” I started thinking. Maybe, just maybe, if I knew who Kakashi really loved, I could put it out of my mind…seeing that who his heart belongs to is so different from me, maybe then I could convince myself I never had a chance. I looked up at Kakashi. “Who is it? I promise I won’t tell Iruka, but I need to know. And whoever it is, I won’t hold it against you. And I won’t tell them, if I even know them.”

Kakashi looked up and I swear I saw panic in his eyes. “No.” Kakashi said and put his fork down. His voice was firm, and sounded almost angry.

I looked up, confused. “What?” Kakashi had never refused to answer a question of mine.

“No. I won’t tell you who he is. Just put the one you love out of your mind and focus on Sasuke. Sasuke will be loyal to you Naruto.” Kakashi’s voice almost had a hard edge to it.

I shook my head, confused and stood. Going over and sitting next to Kakashi, I grabbed him into a hug. I don’t know what I did, but I didn’t like it that Kakashi was angry. Kakashi sounded wary. “Drop it Naruto.” 

I swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry, Kakashi. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted to know who you loved so I could get over who I’m hooked on. I figured if I knew who you loved, the kind of man you loved, I could get over you and be happy with Sasuke. I figured if the one you love is so different from me, I could convince myself I never had a chance with you and move on.” I whispered. I figured if I told him I loved him, it would hopefully convince him to tell me whom he loved so I could move on.

“Me?” I heard Kakashi say in a strangled voice.

I pulled back and looked up at him. Blushing, I looked down. “Yea, it’s you. So if I know who you really love, I figured that can help me get over you.” After he said nothing for over a minute, I looked up. Kakashi sat there, blinking at me, a blank look on his face. “What?” I didn’t understand this reaction from Kakashi.

“Naruto, it’s you. I’m in love with…you.”


	4. Sticky Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't own the song here, Pat Benetar's "Love Is A Battlefield." Enjoy!

I just stared dumbly at Kakashi. I had to be hearing this wrong. There was no way Kakashi was in love with me. Blinking, I opened my mouth to clarify as Iruka suddenly appeared out of nowhere and came over.

"Naruto, Kakashi! I was wondering where you two were. I came home early and you both were gone. I figured I would go out and have a dinner with my book and catch up with you guys later, but then I found you all. Mind if I join you?" Iruka's friendly brown eyes seemed to stare right through me. I hadn’t done anything, but I felt guilty.

I looked at Kakashi who had his impassive look on his face. "Of course," Kakashi said, scooting over. As Iruka sat down, he kissed Kakashi on the cheek. I wanted to disappear. As Iruka placed his order, I pulled out my phone. Ignoring the messages from Teme and Pinkie, I pulled up Fang.

'R u serious?' Flipping to another screen, I played on my phone, hoping he would respond. After listening to Iruka jabber on and peeking and seeing Kakashi stare at him like he was the most interesting thing on Earth for ten minutes with no response, I excused myself and went home. I could not sit there any longer. I just wanted to stand up and scream. Damnit, Kakashi just said he loved me and now he was acting as if nothing was different! I had no idea what just happened, but I needed to know...and I couldn’t sit in front of Kakashi and figure it out.

()()()

Lying in bed, I was listening to music. I heard Dad and Kashi come in and then saw their bedroom light come on. Burrowing my face in my pillow, my stomach just flipped and flopped. I checked my phone.

Ten minutes ago…Fang: 'Very.'

My eyebrows shot up and I sat up in bed. He...he was?

'So what now?' I texted. I waited about fifteen minutes. I saw their light go out. 

No response. Letting out a huge breath, I blew my bangs out of my eyes. Biting my bottom lip, I looked around. I couldn't go to sleep now! Putting on my Beats I looped "80s playlist". Closing my eyes, I lost myself in the music.

_We are young  
(Heartache to heartache)  
Heartache to heartache  
(We stand)  
We stand_

_No promises  
(No demands)  
No demands  
(Love is a battlefield)  
Love is a battlefield  
Whoo_

I gulped. I didn’t know if I really wanted to hear this song. I liked Pat Benetar, but really? Tonight? “Love is a Battlefield?” Ugh.

_We are strong  
No one can tell us we're wrong  
Searching our hearts for so long  
Both of us knowing  
Love is a battlefield_

_You're begging me to go  
Then making me stay  
Why do you hurt me so bad  
It would help me to know  
Do I stand in your way  
Or am I the best thing you've had_

Okay, so he has not “had” me…but he told me he was in love with me…how can I go when he says that? But he said he’d stay and live with us…

_Believe me  
Believe me  
I can’t tell you why  
But I’m trapped by your love  
And I’m chained to your side_

Fuck.

_We are young  
Heartache to heartache we stand  
No promises  
No demands  
Love is a battlefield_

_We are strong  
No one can tell us we're wrong  
Searching our hearts for so long  
Both of us knowing  
Love is a battlefield_

_When I'm losing control  
Will you turn me away  
Or touch me deep inside  
  
_

I looked at my phone. No answer.

_And when all this gets old  
Will it still feel the same  
There's no way this will die  
But if we get much closer  
I could lose control  
And if your heart surrenders  
You'll need me to hold_

_We are young  
Heartache to heartache we stand  
No promises  
No demands  
Love is a battlefield_

_We are strong  
No one can tell us we're wrong  
Searching our hearts for so long  
Both of us knowing  
Love is a battlefield_

Fuck. My. Life. Flopping over, I went to sleep.

()()()

“Morning, Naruto!” I swear, Iruka was ungodly happy in the mornings. Rolling over, I opened an eye, glaring at my dad. “Sasuke’s here,” he chirped.

I grumbled and closed my eyes, dropping my head back in my pillow. Sasuke. Fuck. I sure as fuck did not want to deal with him. Suddenly, I felt someone sit on my bed. “C’mon, time to go to Disney World. I promised, I got tickets, Sakura and Hinata are downstairs.” When I didn’t move, he poked me in the ribs. “Dobe, c’mon.”

Rolling over, I looked up at Sasuke. He actually looked…happy? Well, as happy as Sasuke can look in his “I’m so emo cool” bullshit. Sighing, I rubbed my eyes and nodded. “Lemme get a shower real quick.” I got up and Sasuke nodded, heading downstairs as I went into the bathroom. Taking a quick shower, I put on jeans and a tee shirt, grabbing my wallet. Running my fingers through my hair, I headed downstairs. Checking my phone, there was still nothing. I walked in on the three talking to Kakashi and Iruka. Seeing Kakashi I gulped and looked over at Iruka.

“Need me to do anything ‘fore I leave Dad?” I went over, grabbing a pop tart.

“Nope. Go have fun. I think Kakashi and I are going to lounge around the house.” Iruka smiled and kept eating his eggs. Kakashi hadn’t looked up, pushing his food around the plate.

“Yea, okay.” Turning to look at my friends, I shrugged. “Ready to go?”

As we headed out Sasuke wrapped his arm around me and squeezed my ass. I wanted to throat punch him.

()()()

The day was okay. Getting away from Kakashi, I was able to put him out of my mind and actually enjoy the day. Sasuke actually was not a dick and we just…enjoyed the day. As we walked up to the steps at the end of the day, Sasuke slung his arm over my shoulder, pulling me closer. “Hey, you have a good time?” His dark eyes took me in.

“Yea, thanks. It was good to get away.” I smiled. Sasuke leaned over and kissed me. I hadn’t really thought about how to react. Part of me wanted to push away, but part of me wondered if Kakashi was going to do anything with me since he was engaged to my Dad. Kissing him back, I felt more confused than ever before. I mean, I love Sasuke, I really do. I just fucking adore Kakashi. Sighing, I went into the house. It was dark and silent. Stomach grumbling, I went to the kitchen and made a sandwich. Eating it, I went to the window, looking out over the city. Sighing, I felt so confused.

“I don’t think the city is going to be able to explain what you want explained.” The soft baritone said. I didn’t even turn around.

“I don’t even know if I can explain what I want explained.” I admitted, staying turned away from him.

“Naruto…I …” Kakashi stopped. Silence enveloped me. Finishing my sandwich and still nothing but silence, I figured Kakashi had left. Turning around, Kakashi was leaning on the counter, staring at it.

“What am I supposed to do? What are _we _supposed to do?” I asked, looking at Kakashi.

Kakashi looked up at me. “I don’t know, Naruto. I mean, I want nothing more than to date you and get to know you even more, in an intimate sense. You are my best friend. However, I am engaged to your Dad. I do care about him. And how can I break up with him and start dating you?” He sounded tortured. “Hell, I think I need to be committed. How can I think that about you? Maybe I am just a sick old fuck.”

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my head against his back. Closing my eyes, I breathed in deep. “I don’t think you are sick or old. We’ve known each other forever and been there for each other. Our feelings are natural, Kakashi. I don’t want to hurt Dad, but, if you love me, I know I love you and we should see where it goes. If you’re in love with someone else, how can you be faithful to Dad?”

I felt Kakashi shift and turn around. He tipped my face up. Running his fingers down my cheek, I closed my eyes. I felt his forehead on mine. “I don’t want to hurt Iruka.” I could hear the pain in his voice. I nodded. I don’t want to either, but if Kakashi is in love with me, then how could he be happy with Iruka? “And what about Sasuke?”

I opened my eyes. “I’m gonna break it off with him. It’s not fair to him. My heart belongs to you, ‘Kashi.”

After several minutes of silence, his quiet voice filled the kitchen. “We will have to lay low for a very, very long time.” Kakashi told me. I nodded. Letting out a sigh, Kakashi nodded. “I’ll tell him tomorrow.” Kissing my forehead, he turned and headed out. Trudging to bed, I felt happier than I should have.

()()()

I’m going to hell. I’m sure of it. I should feel horrible for Kakashi breaking up with Iruka, but I can’t. Does that make me a horrible person? Probably. Texting Sasuke to come over, I was going to break it off with him. Figure better to do it here in the house than in public. I heard Dad and Kakashi talking. _Oh shit, are they breaking up here too?_ Suddenly there was a knock on my door. “Yea?” I looked up as Iruka stuck his head in.

“Hey, can you go and pick up the food I ordered from Ishakan’s? I have to take a phone call for work, so I can’t leave. Kakashi took Pakkun for a walk and Ishakan called and said the food was ready, but he needed to go because his wife just went into labor.” 

Getting up I nodded. “Yea. Sasuke’s coming over; can you let him in when he gets here?”

Iruka winked and nodded. “Sure.” Giving me a hug, he handed me some cash. “Thank you.”

Nodding, I headed out. I felt guilty as hell…not about Sasuke, but about Dad. Ishakan’s was only about a five-minute walk, so I headed over there. I was on the lookout in case I saw Sasuke or Kakashi, but I didn’t see either. Going into Ishakan’s, I paid for the food and grabbed it, wishing Ishakan congratulations and heading back. My mind drifted back to the situation at hand. I did not want to deal with Sasuke, but I had to. It was only fair….

Shit! I almost was hit by a cop car that whipped around the corner. Shaking my head, I kept walking. Dad always said I didn’t pay enough attention. Maybe that is what got me in trouble in the first place. If I would have paid more attention…_Nah, Kakashi has a great poker face._ “Naruto…hey, Naruto!” Turning around, I saw Sakura. Smiling at her I grinned and waved, stopping and waiting for her to catch up.

“Hey Sakura, how are you?” Grinning, she jogged up. 

“Good. Guess what?!” Holding out her hand, she showed me a very pretty amethyst engagement ring.

I gave her a big hug. Those two had been together forever! “Congratulations! Set a date?”

Sakura grinned. “Nope. She just asked me last night. We have to work out all those deets later.” 

“That’s awesome Sakura. Text me later and maybe we can meet up for supper soon. I gotta get this food back for Dad.” Nodding, Sakura skipped off and I headed back home. Walking up to our door, I was confused. The cop car that almost hit me was at our house. As a feeling of dread hit my stomach, I started jogging. Before I could get into the house, Kakashi stopped me.

“Naruto, stop.” I hadn’t heard Kakashi’s voice like that since…

“What is it? What happened?” I dropped the food. I felt like I was going to throw up.

Kakashi’s voice was flat. “It’s Iruka. He’s been murdered.”


	5. Cursed

Kakashi would not let me see Dad. Kakashi had already identified him and told me that he didn’t want me to go through the stress of it. Sasuke appeared at some point, and I felt him lead me off. I was numb. I couldn’t…I mean…

“No, Sasuke, I need to be with Kakashi. He needs me.” I stepped away from Sasuke and started to head back into the living room.

“Naruto, no. Hatake is dealing with the police. You didn’t find him, you don’t need to deal with it.” Sasuke’s voice sounded on edge. He grabbed my shoulder and tried to turn me around forcefully.

I shoved him back, hard. “Kakashi needs me. He can’t do this himself. He already had to deal with Mom and Dad without me.” I felt rage building inside me. Shoving past Sasuke, I walked back into the room and walked up to Kakashi, who was sitting down, talking to police.

“So, Mr. Hatake, I have lifted some fingerprints, but I need to ask you a few questions. Is that alright?” The dark haired male with the amber eyes said. His long hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Something about his appearance nagged me. I saw his apprentice, a silver haired guy with glasses, putting up some films and stuff; it looked like he had some blood samples. I automatically didn’t like him. The silver haired guy started taking pictures. As I looked to where he was taking pictures, my blood ran cold and I felt dizzy. There was so much blood…

“Naruto, sit down.” I heard Kakashi say as arms led me to a seat. As I sat, I felt Kakashi next to me. As I felt the tears behind my eyes, I closed them, shoving my head into Kakashi’s side. I felt his arm wrap around me as his voice continued to answer the officer’s questions. After a bit, I felt his breath in my hair. “Naruto, can you answer the officer’s questions?” The concerned baritone caught my attention. Sitting up, I wiped my eyes on my wrist and shook my head yes.

“Now then, Mr. Uzumaki, the deceased was your father?” I winced.

“Yes…my adopted dad.” I gulped.

“Yet his last name is different from yours. Why?” The amber eyes studied me.

I was fighting back the memories. “He adopted me when I was eight. My real mom and dad died when I was seven. They were murdered. He didn’t want to disconnect me from my lineage.” I bit my lip hard as I felt Sasuke sit down on my other side and grab my hand, saying nothing.

“Hnn. How did your parents die?” The amber eyes were suddenly a bit harder.

“A robbery gone wrong.” Kakashi’s voice was ice cold. “I believe that is enough for the day. We can come down to the station later to answer anything else, but he needs rest right now.” The officer looked at Kakashi, but then nodded, fishing out a card and handing it to Kakashi with long fingers. 

“I am very sorry for your loss.” He said. I guess it is something about cops, but he didn’t sound sincere. His little creepy lackey collected his items and they headed out.

“Naruto, I am getting a hotel room for the night. I have to call some cleaners to come and clean the home up. Did you want to stay with me?” Kakashi’s voice was wooden. I looked up. Kakashi’s face was so haggard and drawn. How many people had he lost in his life to murder? My mom, my dad, my other dad, and two friends of his that seemed very nice; Rin and Obito. They were married and on their honeymoon, a driver who never even stopped hit them. They slammed into a tree, Rin flying through the windshield and Obito trapped behind the wheel. The car caught fire, I remember Kakashi telling me, but they both had died on impact, so they didn’t feel the fire.

“He can stay with me.” I heard Sasuke say. Frowning, I turned to him. Kakashi got up slowly, pulling out his cell phone and nodding. Once I heard Kakashi start talking on his cell, I rounded on Sasuke.

“I told you, I am staying with Kakashi, he needs me.” I said sharply.

“Naruto, Hatake is a grown ass man who shouldn’t need a seventeen year old.” Sasuke responded.

“For the love of God, Sasuke, I am in no mood for your insecure pissing contest right now. My dad just died…_Kakashi’s fiancé._ He sure as _fuck_ needs someone right now, and the only one that loved Iruka as much as he did was me. So he needs me. So _fuck off._” Angrily I jerked away from Sasuke and stood, going over to the door. “Get out.”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say anything, just nodded and walked out stiffly. Edging away from the body, I walked into the kitchen. Kakashi was hanging up his phone. Looking up, he sighed. “They will be here in a hour. I’ve arranged for them to get the key from the hotel. Will you be okay with Sasuke?” Kakashi’s voice was tired.

I flung myself at Kakashi, hugging him tightly as a surprised little “oof!” came out of his mouth.

“I’m not going with him, I’m staying with you. You need me…and I need you.” I felt his hand pet my hair. He smelled of musk and warmth. He pulled me away and looked down at me. Nodding, he kissed my forehead. His face looked a little softer, but still very tired.

“Go get a bag. We are going to stay there for the weekend.”

()()()

Kakashi spared no expense. It was a _really_ nice hotel. A lot nicer than where we usually stayed. It wasn’t that Dad was cheap; he just didn’t see the need for all the bells and whistles. As I sat my bag on the floor, kicking off my shoes, I whistled. Kakashi chuckled. “Glad you like it.”

I turned around, my eyes huge. “It’s really nice Kakashi.” Sitting down on the bed, I just about sank in it. I noticed there were two queen beds in the room. Flopping back, I lay there, not really feeling anything as the world and last 24 hours swirled around me.

Kakashi didn’t say anything, either. He really didn’t need to. We were both exhausted. I heard him go into the bathroom and the shower came on. As I slipped down to my boxers, I crawled under the covers, still staring at the ceiling. Why was Dad killed? We weren’t rich; he was a teacher at the Academy! He was working on a paper, but it was about the history of the kyuubis in Japan. I don’t see how that could make someone want to kill him. Kakashi was an architect. Not really a job that would have crazy stalkers. Flipping over, I finally fell asleep.

_‘You are cursed. You don’t know it yet, but you are cursed.’_

_Gasping, I sat up, looking around for that dark, raspy voice. I couldn’t see anything but two large eyes._

_“Who are you?” I stood up and started walking towards those eyes. It looked like some kind of animal._

_“You can call me Kurama.” The voice was menacing and low._

_“Kurama? Why does that sound familiar?” I wracked my brain but could not place it._

_“Iruka knew me. Minato knew me. Kushina knew me. You will know me.” I could feel his hot breath on my face. It was still too dark to be able to see properly, so I stepped back._

_“D…does Kakashi know you?” I asked, worried for my protector._

_“Not yet. But he knows of me.” Chuckling, the eyes receded into the darkness._

Jerking awake, I heard Kakashi breathing slowly in the bed next to mine. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was two thirty in the morning. I would definitely need to ask Kakashi about this tomorrow. Laying back down, I tried for sleep. Thinking back over the day, tears started streaming down my face. I miss Iruka so much. I’d never get to hear his laugh again. I’d never get to feel him hug me again. Hugging myself, I rolled over. Seeing Kakashi asleep on the other bed, I couldn’t help myself. Slipping out of my bed, I crawled in with him. Just like last time. He wrapped his arms around me, breathing never changing. That was when I lost it. When I had that real human touch, I started sobbing.

I felt Kakashi adjust in the bed, his breathing changing. As he pulled me to him, I just hung my head, ashamed for waking him up while I held onto him tighter. He just rocked me and held me until I fell asleep.

()()()

The next morning I woke and stretched. I felt kind of nervous and anxious. I couldn’t place my finger on why I felt that way, but if I did, I am sure I would have to disinfect it. Thinking back over the night, I couldn’t think of anything odd that happened. I didn’t remember dreaming anything weird, either. Rolling over, I grabbed onto Kakashi. Wait…when did I get into bed with Kakashi? Oh, that’s right. I did have some weird nightmare. What was the nightmare about? Scrunching my eyebrows together, I couldn’t remember, except that it scared me. It’s like the dream just eluded me and hung on to the dark corners of my mind, just out of sight. Frowning, I moved on. I had started thinking about Iruka and then I was just so sad I couldn’t be alone. I had crawled into bed with Kakashi, just as I did after mom and dad died.

“Did you sleep alright?” Kakashi didn’t even open his eyes.

“Yea, I guess.” He smelled so good…so comfortable…so safe.

“We have to go see the police today.” Kakashi responded quietly.

“I know.” I frowned. I didn’t want to see that creepy cop today. Sighing, I sat up. “Gonna get a shower.” Getting up, I dug through my bag, grabbing a change of clothes. Heading into the bathroom, I stepped into the shower. As the hot water hit me, I couldn’t help but cry again. I missed Iruka. I didn’t even get to tell him goodbye or that I love him. I couldn’t even tell him what he meant to me. How much I appreciated what he did for me after mom and dad died. Well, I wasn’t going to let that happen again. After getting ready, I went out into the room. I was going to tell Kakashi how I felt about him. I didn’t want something to happen to him, too.

“Naruto, Sasuke is here.” Kakashi’s voice was guarded. Letting out a big sigh, I was starting to get annoyed. I saw Sasuke and my eye twitched.

“Hey, Naruto. How are you?” He sounded worried. I’m sure I looked like shit; I know I didn’t sleep well.

“M’fine.” I shrugged.

“I came to take you to breakfast.” Sasuke’s face was unreadable as always.

“I don’t want breakfast. I want to go get the cop bullshit over with.” I frowned.

Kakashi cleared his throat. “Naruto, our appointment isn’t until two. You need to eat.” Looking at Kakashi, I couldn’t read his face. I don’t know if he really meant I needed to eat, or I needed to figure out what I was doing with Sasuke. I hadn’t forgotten that Kakashi and I had expressed our love for each other; I just hadn’t had time to do anything with it. Nodding, I headed out, Sasuke behind me.

“Where ya wanna go?” I mumbled. Sasuke just grunted and led me to a small café he took me to on our first date. Shrugging, I went inside with him and we sat down at a small booth in back. After the waiter took our order and brought back black coffee for us both, I sat about doctoring my coffee, adding as much sugar and cream as I could to make it coffee flavored sweetened milk.

“I’m really sorry about Iruka. I know you loved him.” Sasuke said, taking a drink of his coffee. I felt my eyes ready to water up again, so I just shrugged, looking down. Sasuke continued. “Well, I guess Hatake will move out.” My eyes opened wide. What would I do without him? I realized Sasuke was still talking. “…lot of thought and it made sense. Right?” Oh yea, he was talking about Kakashi moving out. I felt my eyebrows scrunch together as I looked up at him.

“Huh? Uh, I guess.” I stated, dumbly.

Sasuke came over and got down on one knee, slipping a ring on my finger. “Great. We will get your stuff and move you in tonight. Will you marry me? I love you Naruto.”

()()()

Sitting at the police station, I hid my hand. I didn’t say yes to Sasuke, but I didn’t say no, either. I told Sasuke that this was all a bit much and I needed to process everything. I mean, I don’t want to marry Sasuke, not with Kakashi here. However, what if Sasuke was right and Kakashi was going to move out and away now? I needed to talk to Kakashi before I figured out what I was going to do. Sasuke seemed to take it okay. I guess? I blamed it on Iruka’s death. Sasuke said he would meet up with me later tonight and we could get my stuff to move in with him. I didn’t correct him. I’m an ass.

Kakashi looked over at me. “This will be over soon, I promise.” Nodding, I hoped he could keep that promise.

Kakashi was led into a room first as I sat and waited. After about fifteen minutes, he came out. The amber-eyed guy motioned me in. Going in and sitting down in a chair in front of his desk, I noticed he seemed obsessed with snakes. He had pictures on the wall, and a snakeskin in a glass case. He noticed my view and chuckled. “I’ve always loved snakes. They are lucky, aren’t they? They get to shed their skin and start anew.” I shrugged. I didn’t like or dislike snakes. I just didn’t care.

“Well, now Mr. Uzumaki…”

“Naruto. You can call me Naruto.” I said. I never liked the “Mr. Uzumaki” stuff.

Smiling, the pale man continued. “Yes, well, Naruto, this won’t take long. Just some base questions.” He then went to question me about what I did that day, what dad did, if I knew of any enemies of my dad or anyone whom he had a fight with lately. After what seemed like forever, he leaned back. “Well, Naruto, thank you for coming in. You’ve given me some leads. You are free to go.” Nodding I stood up. As I was getting ready to leave, his next words left me cold.

“A little advice?” I stopped, turning around. He nodded to my left hand, where the ring Sasuke gave me was still on my finger. “Death seems to follow you, Naruto. You seem to be cursed. I hope your husband is luckier than the rest of your family has been. Otherwise, buy a large life insurance policy on him.”


	6. Wounds

_Buy a large life insurance policy on him…you’re cursed…_

Those words kept ringing in my head. Heading out, I met up with Kakashi. “Ready to go?” His soft voice was comforting. Nodding, I followed Kakashi. Heading back to the hotel, I didn’t say much…neither did he. After walking in and sitting down, my head was still swimming. 

“What is going on? Am I cursed?” I looked up at Kakashi, whom I noticed was saying something…stopping in midsentence, Kakashi just looked at me, his face hard to read. Sitting down next to me, he put his hand on my knee. 

“Naruto, I can honestly say that I don’t know, but I don’t think that you are cursed. We just confessed our feelings for each other, and then Iruka was…” Kakashi’s voice broke…”Iruka died.” I blinked slowly, the pain still in me. “But, Naruto, the truth is that I…” The knock on the door interrupted him. Sighing in frustration Kakashi glared at the door as if it were the source of his problems. Standing, sighing in resignation, Kakashi got up, opening the door. Moving aside from the open door, Sakura came around the corner and tackled me in a hug. When she finally let go, I noticed Kakashi had stepped out, presumably into the sitting room.

“How are you doing?” Sakura asked, worry knitting her eyebrows together. 

“I…I really don’t know, Sakura.” I shrugged. “I miss Iruka so much. I can’t believe he’s gone.” I felt like I was choking on the inside, it hurt so much.

“I’m really sorry, Naruto. At least you have Kakashi and Sasuke and me and Hinata, so you aren’t alone.” Smiling sympathetically, she hugged me.

“Yea, but I don’t even know…” My head hurt. Shaking it, I just lay my head on my knees. “I don’t wanna think about anything right now. I just want Iruka back. Is that such a horrible thing to ask for? I mean, I lost Mom and Dad, why did I have to lose Iruka too?” I heard my voice trembling, but I willed myself not to cry. Sakura seemed to sense it. She gave me a hug and just held me for a while. Finally, she promised to check in on me later. Kakashi still wasn’t back and Sasuke hadn’t stopped by yet either. I figured that a nap would be good. I could feel the beginnings of a headache. Crawling under the covers, I closed my eyes and escaped into sleep.

()()()

“Hey, it’s time to get up for the funeral.” Kakashi’s voice woke me. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes. I must have passed smooth out. 

“What time is it?” I mumbled.

“Eight a.m. You have been asleep for over twelve hours. Sasuke came by, but since you were out, he didn’t want to bother you and said he’d see you at the funeral and you all could move your stuff afterwards.” Kakashi’s voice was carefully neutral.

My bladder reminded me I had been asleep for a very long time. As I jumped up and headed for the toilet, I explained on my way. “Kakashi, Sasuke asked but I …”

“Don’t explain now, just get ready.” Clothes were handed to me in the bathroom. Kakashi’s voice was kind.

“Damnit.” I mumbled, jumping in the shower and hurrying to get ready. As I came out in my black suit, I saw Kakashi in his. I may be going to my second dad’s funeral, but I had to admit Kakashi looked hot.

“Kakashi, about Sasuke…” there was a knock at the door. “Geez, this is like a bad damn sitcom.” I grumbled, going over and opening it. Sasuke stood in the door, in a suit. I flipped up my hands. “See?” I said.

“Hey, Dobe…ready?” Sasuke’s voice was actually kind. Looking up at Kakashi, “Hatake.” With a curt nod. Oh well, there goes the kind voice. Sighing I nodded my head.

()()()

Iruka’s funeral was sad. Sad and big. I stood next to Kakashi, and even Sasuke couldn’t bitch, as we were Iruka’s next of kin. As everyone kept walking by and saying how sorry they were, I wanted to scream. They weren’t half as sorry as I was. Nevertheless, they meant well.

Kakashi held up very well. He was polite and charming, not tongue-tied like me. I just couldn’t believe Iruka was dead and that I wouldn’t get to see him again. After everyone left, Sasuke stood beside me, saying nothing. Sakura and Hinata sat there, being supportive. It was very nice, and also driving me nuts.

Kakashi came up about then. “I’m going back to the hotel. Naruto, do you have your key?” 

“Yea, but wait. I’m going back with you.” Pulling Sasuke to the side before he could bitch, I looked at him. “I don’t want him being alone tonight. Not after the funeral. Come by tomorrow so we can talk okay?” Sasuke’s eye twitched. He looked between Kakashi and myself, but agreed. Kissing me on the lips, he turned and left.

Following Kakashi out, he said nothing. As we took the cab back to the hotel, I wanted to talk, but it just felt odd with someone listening. Therefore, I sat quietly. I could talk to him in the hotel.

Once up in the room, I looked at Kakashi. “So…back to that conversation we had before the day turned to shit…”

Kakashi interrupted me. “Naruto, could we discuss this tomorrow? It’s been such a long day. I really just want to go to bed.” Sighing, I nodded. I really wanted to talk to him, but it could wait ‘til tomorrow. “Thank you.” Kakashi whispered, kissing me on my forehead before sliding into bed. I hesitated a moment, and then he pulled back the sheets, inviting me in. Gratefully I stripped to my boxers and crawled in, his arms wrapping around me as I let his scent surround and comfort me until I fell asleep.

()()()

I woke up to my phone beeping. Yawning, I got up and looked at it. Damn. It was 10:00 a.m. My stomach growled to show its displeasure. Looking at my phone again, it showed that I had text messages. Reading through the text messages as I grabbed a banana, there wasn’t anything big until I got to Kakashi’s. It simply said, “Read your email.”

Frowning, I opened my email. I saw the email from Kakashi.

“Naruto,

First, I must say that I love you. I love everything about you, even when you anger me. Which makes it so extremely difficult to say what I am about to say. However, you deserve to know everything. You see, I thought I could escape my past. Your question yesterday afternoon rattled me and made me realize that I could not…that this was all my fault with Iruka. You see, Naruto, you are not cursed. I am. It seems that whomever I am around pays the price for my curse eventually. As you know, I have had several friends die: your mother, your father, Rin, Obitio, and now Iruka. The deaths are always early, and unnatural. It seems I am plagued by death…but not lucky enough to succumb to it myself.

I saw the ring on your finger. Knowing you, Sasuke asked you and you couldn’t process everything and wanted to speak to me. Well Naruto, know this. I love you and will always love you. But, I cannot love you…not and put you in the crosshairs of death. Please, marry Sasuke, and have a long, happy life with him. He will make you happy.

Remember what you said in the restaurant. You can be happy. Please, be happy. I do not and will not plague you with my curse. Therefore, I am leaving. By the time you read this, I will be gone. I cannot stay and try to be “just friends”… I do not want to curse you, I don’t think you would agree to the “just friends” status, and you deserve more than that anyways.

The hotel is paid up for a week. Stay as long as you like while you decide if you are going to move in with Sasuke, go back to the old house, or what you want to do. Good luck to you Naruto. I love you.

Always,

Kakashi.”

I stared dumbly at the phone for a few seconds before I realized what was going on. There was a pain in my chest. It felt like a fresh wound from a serrated knife. Grabbing my phone, I called Kakashi’s number. It was disconnected. “Shit!” Jumping up, I grabbed my wallet and left, calling a cab and giving the driver an extra big tip if he could break some speed laws. He did and I got to our house in record time. However, no one was home. Walking in, I looked around the house. Most of Kakashi’s things were still there, although a couple of his pictures and some of his clothes were missing, as well as Pakkun. As I sat down on their bed, surrounded by the scent of the two people I loved most in this world, I cried. I cried because Iruka was dead. I cried because Kakashi was gone. I cried because I could. Life sucks.

()()()

The will was read, and everything Iruka had was left to me. Kakashi didn’t show up to the will reading. I knew he wouldn’t. I went to his work on Monday; he was not there. They didn’t know where he went; he just had a resignation letter on their desk when they came in. His desk had been cleaned out as well. His boss handed me an envelope. I looked at it questioningly. 

“It’s his last paycheck. He refused to leave a forwarding address and said to just give it to you when you showed up.” Shrugging, the robust, balding man went back to work.

Walking towards my next destination, I opened the envelope. It was cash. Damn, Kakashi was paid well. Walking into the post office, they had no forwarding address they could tell me. Even with all of Sakura’s persuasive powers, she couldn’t find him. Itachi couldn’t find him, even though he was a high-ranking Detective with the police. It was as if Kakashi just vanished, without a trace. The only thing to remind me were my memories and the wound on my heart that continued to ache.

()()()

Life went on. I took Kakashi’s advice and stayed with Sasuke. Our wedding was beautiful. I should have known it would be with Hinata decorating it. All of our friends were there and I had a lovely time. Well, _almost_ all of our friends were there. My heart hurt every time I thought of Kakashi. Even if I could not be with him, I still wanted him in my life. Moreover, the fact that I couldn’t even just call him….it hurt. I tried to be mad at him, but I couldn’t be. I just…missed him. I didn’t understand why he did what he did. But, I know he did it for my best interest. We just disagreed on what my best interest would be.

Sasuke and I got a place together. I didn’t want to live in the old house with those memories. Sasuke didn’t like where he lived, so we got a place that was ours. It was small, but nice. Many nights Sasuke and I would sit at home listening to music, or going out to eat ramen with Sakura and Hinata. Their wedding was beautiful, too.

And it has been like that for five years. Sasuke and I are very comfortable, and I am happy. I guess Kakashi was right. _Damn it. _The wound has healed over and it just aches every once in a great while, like on his birthday. I’ve learned to live with it.

“Dobe, you got everything ready for your trip?” Sasuke’s voice jerked me out of my reverie. Sasuke was handing me my overnight bag at the airport. I nodded. 

“I’ll call you when I land and get settled in the hotel. The conference doesn’t start until tomorrow, so I’ll have time to get situated…and eat!” I grinned as Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“I’m glad you aren’t a woman, I’d never know if you were pregnant.” Sasuke grumbled.

I grinned back. “I would be pregnant if I were a woman with how horny you are.” I whispered, looking up at him through my lashes.

Sasuke smirked. “I don’t hear you complaining.”

Pulling him into a kiss, I breathed into his mouth, “I’m not.” Hearing the boarding call, I headed off, waving as I boarded the plane.

()()()

Lugging my suitcase into my room, I sighed, flopping on the bed. Rubbing my thumb over my ring, I smiled. _Better call Sasuke. He worries, even if he acts as if he doesn’t._ Grabbing my phone, I dialed his number.

“Hey, Dobe. Glad to see you made it.” His voice drifted through the lines.

“Yep. But, aren’t you worried about me being 22 and alone in this big ole American city?” I chuckled tiredly. Jet lag was kicking my butt.

“I’m more worried about America’s food supply.” Sasuke replied dryly.

After a few more minutes of talking, I hung up. I really needed to sleep. Waking up refreshed after about two hours I figured I’d take in the sights. It was lonely without Sasuke, but he couldn’t get off of work. I just graduated with my degree for architecture and my new job sent me to this conference in California. Santa Monica, California to be exact. Heading out, I went and visited many of the sights, ending with the beach. I was told the beach had a beautiful sunset, and I wanted to see it. But, I was told to go at dusk, so I had timed it perfectly. Walking down the Santa Monica beach, I stopped and took off my shoes, rolling my jeans up. The sand wanted to suck me out of my shoes! Looking up, I saw the Pier picking up life. Smiling at hearing all the laughter and voices, the bright lights and music, my spirits were high. Laying out my blanket, I sat down, enjoying the waves. It looked to be half an hour or so before sunset. The waves were crashing in as kids and adults played in the frothy waves.

I saw couples of every type there, playing, reading, and just being with each other. It made me a bit sad to be alone. Rubbing my thumb over my ring, I let out a sigh. As my eyes drifted over the scene in front of me, I realized that it was almost sunset. Looking to the horizon, I suddenly felt my blood run cold. _It…it couldn’t be._ Standing up on wobbly legs, I started walking over to the figure who was sitting, back facing me, staring at the same sunset. The silver hair was spiked up, catching the rays of the sun. As soon as I was close enough to touch him, I couldn’t help myself. “K…Kakashi?” My mouth was dry.

Turning, the gray haired man smiled at me. As I let out a huge sigh of disappointment, the stranger politely nodded no. Of course, it wouldn’t be Kakashi. There is no way our paths would cross after five years, _especially_ on a Santa Monica beach. He was Kami knows where, but in Japan, I’m sure. Apologizing, I walked back to my blanket and sat down dejectedly, my heart hurting. I didn’t realize how much I missed Kakashi until I thought he was in front of me. It is as if I had a wound that had healed; thinking I could see Kakashi again just ripped open that wound that had been closed and only hurt sometimes. Now, it was going to hurt all the time.

()()()

I tried to go back to the hotel room after the beach. However, walking in the room, I was just more alone. Frowning, I changed clothes and went to the bar in the hotel. Ordering something called a Long Island Iced Tea; I put it on my room tab and sat in a comfy chair. Music was playing and people were sitting around, chatting with others. While still lonely, it was a bit less lonely to enjoy a drink and just sit and listen to music. Smiling softly, I closed my eyes and relaxed. Taking a sip, the drink was very, very good. The waitress came by and I ordered another drink. The first had mysteriously disappeared…heh. Sliding smoothly down my throat, I hummed in pleasure as I drank the second. The music was nice and relaxing. Sighing happily, time passed. Finally, the music quit. Opening my eyes, I noticed that the room had cleared out; it must be late. Looking at my phone, I saw it was about midnight. Shrugging, I got up and walked out to the pool. It was closed due to the time. Oh well. It opened at six in the morning. I didn’t want to swim that bad. Turning around, I went and pushed the button for the elevator. Hearing the ding, I stepped inside...and froze. I saw those dark eyes I never thought I would see again as I heard that baritone say in shock, “Naruto?”


	7. Meetings

I stood dumbly staring at the man in the elevator. Rubbing my eyes, figuring I was having a repeat of the beach, I opened them again slowly. Kakashi was still standing there in jeans and a vee neck black sweater as the door started to close. Jerking my hand in between the elevator doors, they jerked to a stop and re-opened. Stepping in, I stood to the side of Kakashi, still staring at him, head cocked to the side. To his credit, he looked shocked and, well, Kakashi _never_ looked shocked.

“K…Kakashi?” I asked, hating how small my voice sounded. Before he could even respond, I couldn’t help myself and launched myself at the man, wrapping my arms around him. He smelled so good, just as I last remembered him. “Kakashi, why’d you leave? It’s been so lonely without you. I literally lost my best friend.” I rambled, hugging him tighter. Finally, I felt him hug me back. Kami, I missed those arms. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I lost him. Looking up at him, I felt those damn traitorous tears prick at the corner of my eyes. 

“Naruto…what are you doing here?” The bell dinged, but I did not move. I didn’t want to lose him after finding him.

“I’m an architect. I came here because my new boss wanted me to go to this.” I still hadn’t let go of him.

“Um, Naruto…we need to get off this elevator.” Kakashi’s voice broke into my reality. As Kakashi started walking, I didn’t let go. I would have felt stupid, but I just didn’t want him to disappear. Hearing the chuckle, I looked back up at Kakashi. “I’ll let you come to my hotel room and we can talk, but I can’t really walk with you around my waist.” Blushing, I released him but stayed hot on his heels, fearing if I blinked, I would lose him. Leading me down the hallway, he opened a door, ushering me in. As I walked in, I took off my shoes. Hearing the door click, Kakashi walked past me and sat on the bed.

I rushed up and sat down, hugging him again. “I missed you so much. Please, don’t leave again. I miss you. I can’t do this again, I can’t lose you. Please, don’t leave.” I felt him let out a big breath.

“Naruto, I can’t put you in danger. I’ve cost you your mother and father and adopted father…I won’t cost you your husband and any children you all might want to adopt.” I could feel his heart beating against my cheek, strong and steady.

“How do you know I’m married?” I asked.

“Naruto, you may not see me, but I keep tabs on you, to keep you safe.” I felt him kiss the top of my head.

“Don’t.” I warned, anger suddenly bubbling up inside of me for no apparent reason.

“Don’t what?” Kakashi asked, confused.

“Don’t. Don’t act like you care about me if you are just going to leave. That’s not love, that’s you being a martyr.” I was full blown angry now. How dare he act like he was in control of anything? He couldn’t control Iruka, Mom and Dad’s dying any more than he could control the sun rising. The idea of being cursed was stupid and just an excuse. If he really loved me, he wouldn’t run. Pushing away, I stood up, angry.

“Naruto, I’ve told you, I don’t want to hur…” Kakashi sounded guilty, but I wasn’t going to buy into the bullshit this time.

“You don’t want me to hurt, yea, you’ve said. But guess what, Kakashi…I’m an adult. I have a say in my life. You’re not my dad, you were my friend, and I wanted you to be my lover, but you went and ran away, pushing me into Sasuke’s arms. Why? So you could punish yourself by “protecting” me? Well guess what Kakashi…I don’t need protecting.” I stormed out of his room, going to mine and restrained myself from slamming the door. Going to bed, I didn’t sleep for a long time.

()()()

“Fuck.” My alarm clock was so damn annoying. I didn’t feel like I slept at all. Getting up, I jumped in the shower and then dressed in business casual, heading downstairs. Walking around the conference area, I checked in and then went to get a cup of coffee…straight black to wake me up. Looking at my program, I yawned as I shuffled in and sat down in one of the tables in the back. Pulling out my phone, I checked voicemails and texted Sasuke. When the speaker started talking, I looked up and frowned. Kakashi was sitting in the row ahead of me and about three seats to my right. _Dick_.

I tried to listen to the instructor, but I just kept looking back at Kakashi. I was so torn. I mean, I was pissed that he was puling this martyr bit. Nevertheless, damnit…I still love him. _Fuck my life._ I thought since he was gone and I married Sasuke my problem was fixed. I had put him back into a safe little box and moved on…but facing him, I realized…my love was still there, I just covered it with fairy tales. Groaning, I laid my head on the table as the instructor droned on.

()()()

I was able to avoid Kakashi the rest of the day, but it took some doing. Escaping to my room that night, I flopped down on the bed. I was going to go to bed. I just wanted to escape to sleep. Skivving down to my boxers, I slid under the covers. As I closed my eyes, settling under the covers, I felt my body relax as I started to drift off. Ah…sleep.

_Knock, knock, knock._ Well, fuck. Who was at my door? There were a couple other people from my firm here, and we were friendly with each other, but we were hardly friends. Grunting, I got up and looked out the peephole. I saw silver hair. Frowning, I called out, “What do you want?”

“I want to apologize. And tell you that you are right.” Kakashi’s calm voice came from the other side of the door.

“What?” I asked, confused as I opened the door. Kakashi stood there in a tee shirt and jeans.

“I just wanted to tell you that you were right. I was trying to control your life, but you are an adult and are responsible for your own life. I believe I’m cursed, and that is on me, but your decisions should be your own. I let my love for you blind me and treat you unfairly. I just wanted to apologize that I took some of those decisions away from you.” Kakashi said simply, genuinely.

_Damn that man._ I growled angrily. “Fuck you.” I spat. Kakashi’s eyebrow raised in confusion as I grabbed him and drug him into my room, shutting the door. “How dare you do this to me!”

“Do what to you? I apologized because you were right…how is this making you angry?” Kakashi asked, clearly confused.

I know this man. I know what he’s doing even if he doesn’t realize what he’s doing. Well, really I didn’t, but I knew why he came to my door. “Damnit, tell me!” I demanded.

“Tell you what?” Kakashi looked truly confused.

“Tell me that you still love me.” I demanded. Kakashi never cared enough to talk about his feelings with anyone whom he did not care about.

“Naruto, you are married, so I don’t know…” Kakashi started as I interrupted.

“Stop. The. Bullshit!” I exploded. “Stop all this bullshit namby-pamby talking in circles. Why are you here? Do you want to know if I still love you? Yes, I fucking still love you. I want you so bad, but you run off every time I get near you so just fucking make a decision. Either stay in my life or get the fuck out of it.”

Kakashi just stared at me. “Goodbye, Naruto.” His voice was so quiet as he turned and walked out of the door, walking out of my life again. Something inside of me snapped. I really didn’t know what it was, but…I couldn’t deal with bandaging this wound again. Grabbing his arm, I jerked so hard that he stumbled and I shoved him against the wall.

“No. If I’m getting a kiss off, I want it properly.” I growled. Fuck it, if he was going to disappear again, I would probably never see him, so I was getting a goodbye kiss. Or at least I was going to piss him off enough where he never came back so I wouldn’t deal with this pain again. Grabbing his collar, I pulled him to me, kissing him as I pulled his head to me.

“Nar…ugnh.” Kakashi grunted as I covered his lips with mine. As I kissed him roughly, I felt him grab my arms and jerk away. His eyes were on fire. He was angry. _Good_. I thought. About time he felt something.

“What the hell is wrong with you Naruto?! This isn’t like you.” He stared at me, his face slightly flushed, his eyes dark.

“Oh, what? You angry someone called you on your self-righteous bullshit? Well tough Hatake, Kakashi. You aren’t fucking perfect. And you aren’t a fucking martyr. In fact, you are the stupidest motherfucker I know. You threw me away like I was a piece of trash. You don’t do that to your friends, you don’t! And you especially don’t do that to your lovers! Did I ever fucking mean anything to you, or was I just your annoying little brat you had to take care of because you felt responsible?” My anger deflated almost immediately upon stating my flaw, replaced by my fear. My deep-seated fear. That no one ever really wanted me, that they were just saddled with me. Crumpling to the floor, I wrapped my arms around my knees. I wasn’t kidding myself, I couldn’t kid myself, nobody wanted me but Sasuke, and I think he just felt sorry for me. 

I felt myself being lifted in Kakashi’s arms. I struggled a bit, but he held tight. Giving up, I just cried. I felt him lay me on the bed, tucking me in. I waited for him to leave, but he held me as I cried. I don’t know how long I stayed like that, but I fell asleep.

()()()

The next morning I woke up, heat all around me. Feeling arms around me, I snuggled into Sasuke. “Morning.” I smiled, looking up and freezing. It was Kakashi. My stomach flopped at remembering the emotions of last night.

“Good morning. I’ll leave, but I didn’t feel right leaving without you knowing. Not again.” I saw his Adam’s apple bob.

“Please…don’t.” My voice broke as I shook my head. “Just…goodbye.” I felt my voice shake as my heart shattered. I felt him move. Grabbing his arm, I felt him stop. Looking up, I memorized his face. I knew I would not see it again.

“Goodbye, Naruto.” Something flitted by his face, behind his eyes. Swallowing thickly, I could only stare at him as he walked out of my life again. Leaning down, he kissed my forehead. I tried to memorize the feeling of his lips on my forehead as I closed my eyes. As he started to pull away, I suddenly felt his lips on mine. My breath caught in my throat as I kissed him back, grabbing at him and holding him close to me. I felt Kakashi’s arms wrap around me. Whimpering, my head started spinning at the sensations. I knew this was wrong, I know I’m married to Sasuke, but I can’t seem to make myself care in this moment. Pulling back, I looked up at Kakashi.

“Please…don’t leave me again.” I whispered, leaning up and kissing him again. I felt him shudder and kiss me back. Laying back on the bed, I pulled him down on the bed. Opening my eyes, I looked up at him. He was leaning over me, eyes dark.

“Naruto, I can’t give you up if we go any farther.” Kakashi said an edge to his voice.

“Then don’t.” I said my voice raw. “Don’t give me up.” I swallowed, knowing what I was saying. Knowing I was asking him to do something very, very wrong. However, I couldn’t seem to help myself. “I don’t want my life empty anymore. I want to be full.”

I could see the war in his eyes, and I could see the moment he lost the battle. I felt his fingers start drawing little patterns on my chest. Sucking in a breath, I bit my bottom lip as I shivered and tugged at his shirt. Slipping it off, I saw that his chest seemed even more defined than the last time I saw him. Leaning up, I gently placed a kiss on his collarbone as he let out a little growl. 

I set feathery kisses all over his collarbone as his fingers gave me goosebumps, running down my chest to my abs. As his fingers danced above my boxer short waistline, I actually mewled. I felt my face growing really red. I saw him smirk as his head dipped down and I felt his lips on my chest. Whimpering, I pushed my chest towards him, that feeling was so good.

“Ah, ah, ah…” I heard his voice, playful as he kissed my chest again. I yipped as he nipped my nipple, feeling myself harden more. It was almost painfully hard, aching.

“Kashi…please…it hurts.” I was ashamed at my whimpering voice, but it felt sooo good, that pleasure pain thing was definitely going on. I wanted more. I wanted his hand on me. Suddenly I felt his lips leave my chest and I groaned in frustration. But suddenly I felt something so warm and wet on my cock. I slammed my head back as I reached for something, anything to grab onto with these sensations. I had never…I could feel myself already … “K..Kakashi, I’m gonna…” I couldn’t finish as I came in his mouth. I felt so embarrassed; I grabbed a pillow, putting it over my face.

“No, please…never cover your face.” Kakashi said, pulling the pillow away from my face. Opening my eyes, embarrassed, I looked down and saw his face. I do not think I had ever seen anyone look at me like that before…like I was his everything. “You are gorgeous and should never cover your face.” Leaning up, he kissed me on my mouth gently. Adjusting and pulling me to him, my head on his chest, he pulled the covers above us.

“I…that was amazing.” I breathed. “I’ve never had that done before.” I twitched in an aftershock.

“Never?” Kakashi gripped me tighter as his voice changed a bit.

“Nuh uh. I mean, I’ve done it to Sasuke, but he never did it to me. He said he didn’t like the taste.” I shrugged and waited for the guilt I knew would come…but I was so happy in Kakashi’s arms, it never came. I should probably worry about that, and I will…later.


	8. Failure

Grimacing, I woke up. There was a knee in my back, pushing on my kidney. With a little grunt, I pushed away and rolled over. I was so going to give Sas…oh, wow…right. I looked at the sleeping face of Kakashi. It was Kakashi’s knee in my kidney. Suddenly, the aggravation from earlier didn’t seem to matter that much anymore. I couldn’t believe Kakashi was still here, so warm, and so in my bed. Unable to help myself, I ran my hand down his cheek, the sunlight peeking through a crack in the blinds and glinting off my wedding band.

Ahhh, there it is. The guilt hit me like a wave. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I’m not an animal, I’m a human being who should be able to control his desires and not rut in a frenzied heat. Yet I did. Shaking my head, I was ashamed of myself. Sasuke had done nothing but be nice to me, support me, and be a good, loving, loyal husband to me and all I could do was rut like a little whore in heat. I didn’t deserve him. Honestly, I didn’t really deserve Kakashi either.

“Stop with the self-deprecating guilt. It isn’t becoming on you…and remember, I’m not an angel, I was a willing, voluntary participant.” Kakashi said, his eyes still closed.

I gasped, eyes widening. “How did you know what I was thinking?” I asked.

Opening an eye, Kakashi raised his brow. “You were whispering it to yourself. I’m not a mind reader, you knucklehead.” Chuckling, he sat up on the edge of the bed, getting up and going to the bathroom. Which reminded me that my bladder was none too kindly nudging me in that direction. I stood and waited for my turn. I’d piss in the bathtub, but I think that might be kinda gross for Kakashi. I knew we needed to talk, I just didn’t know what to say or how to start it, even though I guess I kinda already did without realizing it. Coming back in, Kakashi leaned on a wall. “So?”

I sighed, letting out a huge, whooshing breath. Going past him, I relieved my bladder. Walking back out afterwards, I sighed again. “So…I wanna be with you. But I gotta divorce Sasuke. It’s only fair, he doesn’t deserve this. D…do you wanna be with me?” I winced as I waited for his answer.

“Of course I do.” Kakashi replied simply. “When the conference is over, should I come back with you to help you move out your items and help you find a place of your own?”

I frowned. “That would probably not be the best idea…Sasuke’s gonna know who it is I’m leaving him for, no matter what I say. I don’t want to rub it in his face.”

Nodding thoughtfully, Kakashi leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I understand. That makes sense.” Going over to his wallet, he pulled out a business card. Jotting down some things, he handed it to me. Looking at it, I saw that he had wrote down a phone number and an address. I looked up questioningly. “My phone number and address. Do with it what you will. You are an adult, I’ll leave the next decisions to you.” Leaning down, he kissed me deeply, stealing my breath from me before he stood, grabbing his things and heading out. “I’ll leave today, to help us avoid temptation.” The door clicked shut before I could respond.

()()()

True to his word, Kakashi left…well, I guess he left. I sure couldn’t find him. I didn’t go knock on his hotel door because I wasn’t insane and didn’t want to tempt fate. But I didn’t see him at any lectures or anything like that. I didn’t text him. I did text Sasuke so he wouldn’t worry. I didn’t say anything about a divorce, as that wasn’t fair either. Finally, I finished the conference, flying home I was on pins and needles.

Sasuke was there at the airport to pick me up. He looked happy to see me. Great. I’m a complete asshole. Grabbing me, he kissed me heatedly. I didn’t respond…I couldn’t…I tried. Pulling away, Sasuke gave a little look and then grabbed my bags. “Sorry, I forgot about jetlag.” I should have corrected him. I didn’t. I’m a complete _fucking_ asshole, no pun intended.

“Hey, Dobe, I need to stop at my brother’s for just a couple minutes to water his plants. He went out of town a couple days ago and he asked me to water them today or tomorrow. I figure we may be busy tomorrow, so might as well do it on the way home. Okay?” I just nodded. I have no desire to rush the inevitable dickishness that I am going to have to impose. Once at Itachi’s, I opted to wait in the car for Sasuke to get done. It played well with the whole tired motif. Besides, I was getting sick to my stomach knowing what I had to do. Yea, I love Kakashi, but that doesn’t mean I want to hurt Sasuke…he’s my oldest friend. And I do love him…just not enough.

Fifteen minutes went by. _What the hell was Sasuke doing? Itachi didn’t have a botanical garden in his house. _Sighing, I got out and went up to the door. Heading in, I saw Sasuke just standing in the doorway to the living room, his back to me. “Teme, c’mon, let’s go hom…” it was then that I saw the blood. The spatters were identical to Iruka’s. Stepping up, Sasuke was staring, sightlessly, at his brother’s decapitated body laying in the floor.

()()()

I guess police officers don’t move around departments much. That same amber eyed cop with the creepy silver haired sidekick came and worked this crime scene. Seeing me, he raised a brow, pursing his lips together. “You again…”

I huffed, cocking my head. “I have been in a conference in Santa Monica, California, United States of America for five days. Sasuke just picked me up from the airport. You can pull my hotel records, airline records, everything.” I crossed my arms, staring at the jerk. He smirked.

“I may very well do this, since death seems to cling to you.” Turning from me, he went to work. I sat Sasuke down, who still hadn’t said one word since I came in. He wouldn’t budge, so I had called the police. After the police came in, he finally moved. No one said anything to him, but kept giving him pitying looks. I put my arm around him. I knew how he felt to lose some of the closest people to you. Iruka kept flashing through my mind. Holding Sasuke’s hand, I said nothing, waiting for the questioning to come.

It wasn’t as bad as it was with Iruka. I don’t know if that’s because Itachi had worked with the police, so they were more sensitive to Sasuke since they knew him. But there weren’t many questions. They told us to come to the station the next day. Taking Sasuke out, I helped him get into the car and I drove us the rest of the way home. Welp, not telling him today…I’m not that big of a dick. Getting him home, I got him in and basically undressed him, getting him in a hot water bath to soak. Sitting next to him, I got a rag and started gently washing his body. He still said nothing.

“Sasuke…it’s okay to cry. I’m here. We can talk, or be silent. I’ll let you lead.” Leaning over, I kissed his head, then wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. We sat like that for a few minutes before I felt his body shake and heard the wracking sobs fill our bathroom.

()()()

Several hours later, after I got Sasuke out of the tub, dried off, in bed and asleep, I changed clothes and laid down. Making sure Sasuke was asleep, I then fished the card out of my wallet and sent a text to Assoc, ‘Itachi was murdered. Plans have been put on hold.’ I figured Assoc was a good name in my phone, as he was an associate…in architecture.

Rather quickly there was a response back, ‘Dear Kami. I am so sorry. Itachi was a good man.’

‘Yea. This reminds me of Iruka.’

‘Do you need me?’

I was ashamed to even think yes, so I typed ‘No. Night.’

‘Night.’

Laying down, I drifted off to sleep.

()()()

Iruka’s body was bleeding on the floor. Kakashi was covered in blood, reaching for me, blood pooling from his mouth. A shadowy figure was in the background, cackling and telling me about my curse. Telling me that everything I touched turned to shit. Looking over, Sasuke was dead, his lifeless body laying on top of Itachi’s decapitated body. Well, shit…if Mom and Dad were here it’d be a real party. Suddenly, I looked down at my hands and saw myself with the gun, shooting my mother and father, blood seeping over my shoes, their sightless eyes staring a hole in me somehow. Just as I got ready to scream, Sasuke’s scream woke me up.

Sweating, grabbing his knees, Sasuke was against the headboard crying. “Shh…shh…hey, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay.” I crawled over, grabbing him, and he hung on me, crying. I held him for at least an hour. Finally, I wiggled out of his grasp, telling him I was getting him some medicine. Rooting through our bathroom cabinet, I found some NyQuil…that should put him to sleep and help him sleep well. Bringing out the bottle, I held it out to him. “Here, this may help you sleep.” Handing it to him, I took off the little cup, looking for the line he needed to fill. “Okay Sas…” looking at him, he just chugged a bunch and handed the partially empty bottle back to me. Well, I guess that was one way to measure it. Putting the bottle up, I laid back down, pulling him to me. Holding him, I smoothed his hair until he finally went to sleep. Sleep didn’t find me for many hours later.

When I finally did fall asleep, I fell back into that same dream, except this time the blood was up to my waist, Mom, Dad, Iruka, Sasuke, Itachi and…Kakashi’s bodies all floating around me. Screaming myself, I woke up, Sasuke still out. Shaking, I rubbed my eyes. Checking my phone, feeling like an ass, I couldn’t help myself. I texted Assoc, ‘I need help.’

‘Headed to you. Need address.’ Was the reply. Shakily, I sent it.

Within ten minutes my phone went off with a simple, ‘here’. Slipping out of bed, I padded to the front door. Opening the door, Kakashi stood there in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Leaping at him, I hugged him tight. Wrapping his arms around me, he brought me in and quietly shut the door. Heading to the couch, he sat down, pulling me on his lap since I wouldn’t let go. “Shhh, Naruto…it’s okay. You’re safe, Sasuke’s safe, and I’m safe. We’re all safe. It’s okay.” Digging my head into his neck, I held on, crying quietly. I felt him rubbing my back, and it was comforting. “Want to talk about it?” he whispered. I shook my head no. He just held onto me and let me cry.

()()()

I don’t know when I fell asleep, but I woke up on Kakashi’s lap and it was still dark. Looking at the clock, I saw it was about five in the morning. Looking down at Kakashi, he was asleep, half laying on the couch, me still on top of him. As I moved, I felt his arms tighten around me and he moaned a little “shh.” Readjusting on the couch he pulled me down on him, my head on his chest. Adjusting himself, I felt his hand curve and cup my ass. Well, this would be bad if Sasuke walked in on this. Pushing against the couch to lean up, Kakashi grabbed my ass tighter and moaned as my crotch rubbed against his. The friction was lovely and I let out a little involuntary moan.

Kakashi’s other hand went to my other ass cheek and he squeezed, letting out a little moan of his own. Breath hitching, I knew I had to get out of this situation soon, or I would not only be going to hell, but I would be driving the bus as I flashed a neon sign. Leaning down, I whispered, “Kakashi.” Again, his hands gripped my ass as he ground against me, his hard erection not helping my cause. My damn traitorous hips started to grind against him as a whimper escaped. No, damnit, no…I would not do this. Grabbing Kakashi’s hands, I pulled at them to get them off my ass. Kakashi opened his eyes about then, half filled with sleep. Leaning up, he captured me in a kiss, rubbing me harder against him, both of our erections straining against the fabric.

“K…Kashi…” I whimpered, grinding on him as I tried to keep a semblance of sanity and stop this. Suddenly, I felt Kakashi’s hand on my cock as he got inside my fly of my boxers. Sliding the tip of his thumb over my head, I felt him smearing my cum over me to lubricate his hand as he started to stroke me. I felt myself losing control, wiggling out of my boxers as he pushed his wet and sticky sweatpants down, his thick erection springing into the air. I started leaking looking at it.

“Naruto. Touch me, please.” Kakashi whispered huskily. Wrapping my hand around him, I started slowly moving up and down as his breath hitched more. He started thrusting into my hand as he kept stroking me. His back started arching slightly. I had never seen a lovelier sight than this man under me, wantonly wiggling. Lubing up my fingers, I slid down, working one finger in past his tight pink hole. His eyes shot open and he looked at me.

“Did you ever think about this? Think about bottoming, me filling you with my dick and fucking you full?” I whispered. His eyes about crossed as his tongue came out, licking his lip. 

“Yes, Naruto…yes.” He whispered as his muscle clenched around my finger. As I kept lazily stroking him, I kept working my finger around, loosening him up, getting more lubrication as I worked another finger in. Kakashi was running his fingers over my dick expertly, making my eyes cross. As I worked another finger in, Kakashi grunted.

“What do you want, Hatake?” I asked huskily, lost in lust.

“You. I fucking want you to fuck me like the little bitch I am. I’m your little bitch, Naruto, now fuck me, mark me, and make me yours.” I leaked some more at the statement and then moved, positioning myself in between his legs. 

“I’ll take it easy, so it doesn’t hurt.” I whispered, knowing how it sometimes did hurt, no matter how prepared you tried to be.

Kakashi grunted. “Fuck me Naruto, I don’t care if it hurts. If it hurts, then we know we are alive. Fuck me like the little bitch I am.”

I had never been talked dirty to, ever. So yea, this turned me the fuck on. Shoving myself in him, he fit me like a glove. I felt him groan, but that groan soon turned into a moan as I got my timing down. As I set up a fast pace, I ran my hand up and down his cock. His body was jerking erratically. Suddenly, I must have hit that bundle of nerves I’d heard of but never felt, because he grabbed a pillow and I swear I heard tearing of the fabric as I felt his body shake and tremble underneath me. He shot stream after stream, hitting my chest as well as his. As he kept shaking with the aftershocks, squeezing me with that tight muscle, I felt myself unload. Biting my inner cheek until I bled so I wouldn’t scream, I finally quit shaking and pulled out, him twitching more with that. I pulled the pillow away from him and his face was red, sweat at his hairline. “Don’t ever hide your face. You’re gorgeous.” I whispered. I tried to get up, but Kakashi held me.

“Don’t go, please.” He whispered. I couldn’t say no. Laying down on top of him, pulling the blanket up over us, sleep quickly claimed me.


	9. Welcome Home

Oh my damn, my neck hurt. What the hell was going on, why was I hurting so much? Opening my eyes, I looked down and saw the sleeping form of Kakashi underneath me and shook my head. _Damn, he really is too handsome to be legal._ Pushing up, I suddenly realized where I…we…were. “Shit…Kakashi, get up, now.” I whispered fiercely as I almost fell off the couch grabbing my pants and pulling them on. Kakashi opened his eyes and smiled, then realization dawned in his eyes and he sat up quickly as well. Pulling on his clothes, he grabbed his shoes, gave me a hasty kiss, and crept quietly out the door.

I went into the kitchen and splashed water on my face. That was a damn close call. And stupid, too. Really fucking stupid. Sighing, I went about the kitchen, pulling out some rice, salmon, and some leftover miso soup. As I warmed up the soup, I started grilling the salmon and preparing the rice. I also put on some coffee. I am sure Sasuke’ll need it. After getting everything prepared, I sat it on a tray and took it upstairs. 

Peeking in the bedroom, Sasuke wasn’t in the bed; however, I heard the shower running. Sitting down the tray on the bed, I walked out. I didn’t deserve to be in the same room with Sasuke. He did nothing wrong and I went and rutted…again…like a damn dog in heat. Going down to the kitchen, I started cleaning up my mess.

“Hey.” I heard Sasuke say as I felt him kiss my neck. I stiffened involuntarily, and then tried to laugh it off. 

“Damn, you scared me.” Turning around, I moved to hug him and he kissed me again. Kissing him back, I tried to hide my disappointment. He pulled back and looked at me, cocking an eyebrow. Evading his look, I turned around to clean up. “How do you feel? Last night was rough.”

I heard Sasuke sit down. “Rough, to be honest.” I heard him start eating and I turned to see he had brought the tray into the kitchen. Sitting down at the table, as much as it sucked, I decided I needed to tell him. He looked at me as he drank some coffee. Sitting the coffee cup down, he grabbed my hand. “I’m glad to have you Naruto. You are the only thing keeping me sane.” He squeezed it. _Well, fuck._

()()()

After three long hours of questioning at police headquarters, Sasuke and I headed home. Telling him to go up and rest, I offered to bring up some popcorn and we could watch movies. He nodded and went upstairs. I figured I could tell him after he decompressed a bit from the questioning. However, there was a knock on the door. Going to it, I answered it, seeing Sakura standing there. Smiling, I opened it and ushered her in, Hinata following quickly behind. “How is he?” the rosette asked quietly.

“About as good as can be expected.” I answered. 

“I…just can’t believe it. Itachi was such a good man.” Hinata murmured, her eyes haunted. I nodded my agreement. I didn’t know how someone got to Itachi. He was such a good cop. “Can we see Sasuke? We brought his favorite, dango.” The lilac-eyed woman asked, holding up the dessert.

“Let me check and see how he feels. Wait here please?” I ushered them into the living room. Going to the bedroom, I peeked in. Sasuke was sitting on the bed, looking at the ground. “Hey, Sas’…Sakura and Hinata are here, wanting to spend some time with us. Do you want to, or want me to send them out?”

Sasuke looked up, eyes tired. “We can watch a movie with them same as we could with each other.” Standing, he took my hand and walked out to the living room.

Both girls came up to him and hugged him. He took the affection rather well…for Sasuke. Sitting Sasuke down with the amazon prime to figure out a movie to watch, I saw him smile at the dango. I went into the kitchen to prepare some popcorn. Sakura came in. “Need some help?” Her smile seemed forced. Frowning, I sighed.

“What’s wrong, Sakura? That smile is forced.” I turned around, crossing my arms and facing her.

Sakura dropped the smile. “I’m just worried about you two. You both seem so…distant. I mean, maybe it’s just because of Itachi’s death, but it’s just weird. You haven’t been this distant since right before Iruka died. Is something else going on?” Her sea green eyes shone with concern.

_Shit. If Sakura sees something, Sasuke will soon too. Okay, I will tell him tonight when we go to bed. Not going to ruin the night for him._ “Nah, we just came home and this happened to Itachi…and it was so much like Iruka…it just kinda has me on edge, that’s all.” I smiled, hoping it looked convincing.

Sakura let out a breath and smiled genuinely. “Okay, that makes sense. Here, I’ll get some drinks.” As she fished out some drinks, I finished the popcorn and took it in. Sitting down next to Sasuke, I put my arm around him, trying to be normal with him. Sasuke chose a comedy, which was good. Watching it with them, I almost forgot about everything. Almost.

We sat around talking for a little bit afterwards, but I could tell Sasuke was tired. Shooing the girls out, I told Sasuke to head up to bed, I would clean up and then be up. He nodded and plodded to the bedroom. As I put the dishes in the sink and the food up, I sighed. I had to tell him. Walking into the bedroom, I saw that he was already laying down and half asleep. So much for telling him tonight. Sighing, I stripped down to my boxers and lay down. Sasuke rolled over and laid his head on my chest. Damn, this was going to be hard.

()()()

I woke up the next morning and smelled something wonderful cooking. Getting up and stretching, I used the bathroom then followed my nose to the kitchen. Sasuke was in there cooking. Raising an eyebrow, I went in and sat down. Turning around, he smiled at me. “Thought I’d be the nice one today.” Setting down some pancakes, he handed me some syrup. “I woke up and was just…grateful to have you, Naruto. I don’t want you to ever think I am taking you for granted. I’ve lost Itachi…I can’t lose you, too.” Picking up my hand, he kissed my knuckles, then turned back to put some pancakes on his plate. 

My pancakes had turned to glue in my throat. Finishing them so as not to arouse suspicion, I smiled at him, my heart heavy at what I knew I had to do. Finishing my milk, I stood. “You won’t. I have to run into work to do a couple things, but then I’ll be back.” Kissing him gently, I got dressed and left.

I went into work and confirmed I could take a week off for Sasuke, tied up a few loose ends, and then went to the bathroom. Sitting in a stall, I texted Assoc. ‘Meet behind the curtain in 10?’

I got a response back in about a minute. ’15 and I can do.’

Heading to my secret favorite spot, the Hole, I trudged into the little bookstore, aptly titled “Hole in the Wall”, went to the back and walked into the men’s room. After entering the bathroom, I then moved to the large floor to ceiling curtain and stepped behind it. Opening the door hidden by the curtain, I walked down into the hidden bar named, simply, “Hole.” Walking down the steps, I took the number 2 placard and went to the curtained booth that had a number two hanging over it. Going in, I closed the curtain. It was a neat little bar that was hidden from most people. I only knew about it because Iruka and Kakashi went there a couple times and talked about it.

‘2’ I texted.

Then I sat. And waited.

Soon, the curtain opened and Kakashi walked in. Sitting down next to me, he pulled me into a hug, which I gratefully returned. Suddenly feeling guilty, I pulled back. Looking up at him, I gulped. Kakashi ran a thumb down my cheek.

“How are you?” Leaning down, he kissed me. Kami he felt so good. Pulling back, I looked up at him.

“Not good.” I answered truthfully. Looking down, I swallowed, sucking in a big breath. I had to tell him, but I couldn’t look at him and tell him. As I sat there trying to figure out what I wanted to say, Kakashi saved me…kinda.

“You don’t want to divorce Sasuke.” Kakashi’s voice was pain-filled, but matter of fact. I felt his hands go down to my shoulders. Jerking my head up, I looked at him.

“No, that’s not it. I do want to divorce Sasuke…I just can’t right now. He’s so vulnerable and hurt right now because of Itachi…I just don’t think it would be right or fair to leave him now, when he’s in this state.” I looked down at my hands.

“But it’s fair to me to string me along?” Kakashi’s voice held an edge to it. Looking up, I could see the hurt in his eyes.

“I didn’t say that either!” I got a little upset myself. “You told me you’d follow my lead.” I stared at him accusingly.

“Yes, I did. Then you called me, said you needed me, and made love to me. I thought that meant something. I guess I was mistaken.” Kakashi said stiffy. “I told you if I did this I couldn’t go back. I meant it. You want to stay with Sasuke? Fine, Naruto. I want you happy. However, do not call me again. I’ve only ever given my heart to you and I am starting to question that decision.” Getting up he walked out, leaving me more upset than before.

()()()

I sat at the bar for a long time. I didn’t know what to do. I think I could still go back to Kakashi, but I would have to cut it with Sasuke right then. But that seemed awful cruel to Sasuke! He didn’t do anything wrong! But then, neither did Kakashi, _technically_. I led him into everything. Now I was hurting him. Moreover, would it help Sasuke to lead him on? I knew the answer to that was no. But could I live the rest of my life without Kakashi? I couldn’t breathe thinking about that after finding him and having him.

Going into the apartment, Sasuke was sitting on the couch, reading a book. Going over to sit by him, I grabbed his hand. I had to do this. In addition, I had to do it in one fell swoop. Now. “Sasuke…I love you. You are my oldest friend. And I’m really sorry what happened to Itachi…but the truth of the matter is…I’m not in love with you anymore. It’s not fair for you for me to drag this on. I’m sorry about the timing, but it’s not fair to you to be fake.” Taking off my wedding band, I laid it on the table. And I sat. Waiting for him to say something. Anything.

Sasuke sat, silent, staring at me for a while. Finally, “You found Hatake. I knew the only way I would have your heart would be for him to be gone. Damn him for coming back.” Sasuke’s voice dripped with venom and he turned away from me as I felt my heart break. I was not going to deny it though, Sasuke deserved to know the truth.

“I love Kakashi. I always have. I’m sorry, Sasuke, I really am. If I had thought that this was going to happen, I would not have done this to you. I never thought I’d see him again. I never meant to hurt you.” My whispered voice sounded loud in the quiet living room.

Sasuke stayed turned away from me. “Get out.” There was nothing but hate there now in that voice.

()()()

I texted Kakashi. ‘I told Sasuke. He kicked me out. I’m sorry. If you don’t want me, I understand. But it was the right thing to do.’ Then I deleted it before I hit send. I tried again. ‘I’m done. I told Sasuke. He kicked me out. Can I come over?’ Then deleted again. Too desperate. Finally, I decided on simple. ‘I told Sasuke, we are getting divorced.’ I hoped he would forgive me. However, there was no guarantee. Nevertheless, I just could not do it…I could not live that lie.

‘Where are you?’ was the response.

‘Going to a motel.’ Before I could get out to the cab, I had a response. 

‘We should talk.’

‘Coming.’ I fished out his card and gave the address to the cabbie. As he drove, I realized how scared I was. I didn’t know if Kakashi would take me back, yet I did break it off with Sasuke…because it was the right thing to do. But, I realized shamefully, I did it because it wasn’t fair to _Kakashi_. Even if I could not be with him, I had to do right by him. I should have done it because it wasn’t fair to Sasuke. I was definitely going to hell.

Getting out when the cabbie stopped, I was shocked. Kakashi was staying in a very expensive apartment. Going to the door, the door attendant looked at me. “Whom are you here to see?” His polite gaze never wavered.

“Uh…Hatake…Hatake Kakashi.” I stammered.

“And you are?” he asked, politely.

“Uzumaki, Naruto.” I responded.

“Ah, yes, Mr. Uzumaki. Please…” he ushered me through the doors and to an elevator. Entering and putting a key in the elevator, he pushed P and left me in stunned silence. As the elevator went up, I got more nervous. What if Kakashi just invited me here to tell me he wouldn’t see me again? As the elevator dinged its notification that it was on the correct floor, I walked out and looked around for a door. Finding one, I went and knocked. The door opened rather quickly and Kakashi stood there in jeans, no shirt or socks…so yes, he stood there like a wet dream in the flesh. Staring at me, I opened my mouth to speak when he stopped me with his sentence.

“Welcome home.”


	10. Fallout

I stood there dumbly, unable to move. Kakashi raised an eyebrow and moved out of the way. “Did you want to come in?” Nodding, I forced my feet one after the other and went in, shocked. Kakashi closed the door. “You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want.” Kakashi went to the kitchen and sat down at the table. I saw that he had a plate in front of him with what looked like an eggplant spaghetti half eaten. A pot of spaghetti sat on the table, as well as a few pieces of sliced bread.

“N…no! I mean, I want to stay with you…I’m just kinda shocked, that’s all. I figured you’d hate me and not want to be around me.” My admission forced me to look down, the pain of the almost reality attacking my throat.

“Naruto. I don’t think I could ever hate you. Be aggravated at you, yes, but not hate you. If I didn’t want to be near you, why would I offer for you to come to my home?” Putting some spaghetti on a plate, he sat it at the chair next to him, motioning for me to sit down. Gratefully I did so, my stomach rumbling. Sitting down I started eating. My eyes opened wide. 

“Wow, ‘Kashi…this is really good!” I dug in more, grabbing a piece of bread off the table. As I scooped it up, I looked up and Kakashi was staring at me. My eyes widened as I grabbed a napkin and wiped my mouth. “Wha’…I got something on my face?” I scrubbed my lips some more.

“No. I just…” he had some weird look behind his eyes that I really couldn’t tell what it was. “Is this happening? Is this real?” His voice was soft and I could see the fear in his eyes. Smiling, I reached out and squeezed his hand.

“Yea. This is what I’ve wanted all along too. This. Us.” He smiled at me and then picked up his fork and started eating. Hungrily, I did the same. After dinner, the couch beckoned and so we cuddled in each other’s arms. I finally felt at home.

()()()

I slept the best I had in a long time, waking up to Kakashi’s alarm buzzing quietly. Yawning I sat up, scratching my head. As I heard the shower running, I got up and went in to start some coffee. As I popped a pod in the maker, I rummaged around for mugs, sweetener, creamer, and spoons. Filling two mugs, I felt arms wrap around my waist as he grabbed a mug. Taking a sip, he hummed his appreciation in my ear. “Best coffee I ever had.” Kissing my ear, he leaned back and sat down at the table. Grabbing my mug and putting an ample amount of cream in it and sugar, I sat down, noticing he was dressed in a shirt, tie and dress pants. Looking at the clock, I noticed it was only 5:45 a.m. Yawning, I looked to Kakashi.

“Why so early?” I scratched my head.

“I always go in early. I can get more done that way.” Sipping his coffee, he got up and rummaged around on top of the refrigerator. Pulling down a box, he handed it to me. “Inside is a house key and a mailbox key. I will let Royoko know you will be staying here. Is there anyone you want to be allowed in without announcement?”

Sitting and thinking I nodded. “Probably Sakura and Hinata. That’s it. I have about a week and a half off of work still, so I’ll work on getting situated.”

“Ok.” Leaning over, he kissed me gently, pulling back and smiling. “I’ll let Royoko know about the girls. I should be home by 5.” I nodded and smiled as he left. Finishing my coffee, I set up and figured out what I’d need to do. Definitely change my address, get my stuff, and file for divorce. Yawning, I lay back down. Nothing would open for a few hours, so I was going to get some more sleep.

()()()

I woke to my phone buzzing. Looking at it, I saw it was Pinkie. Smiling, I picked up the phone. “Hey, Sakura, what’s up?”

“Meet me at Hikari’s in an hour.” Sakura demanded. Her voice was…something I’ve never recognized before.

“Okay.” I swallowed. Something was wrong, I just didn’t know what. Showering, I got dressed and headed down to the café. I saw Sakura sitting there by Hinata. Neither of them looked happy, although Sakura looked madder and Hinata just worried. Sitting down at the table, the waiter came up and I ordered some food and orange juice.

“So, what’s up?” I asked, sipping the orange juice.

“Did you do it? Did you really leave Sasuke? Right after he found his brother dead?” Sakura’s voice was hard. Hinata winced at her wife’s questions.

“Uh…yea, actually, I did. I didn’t love him anymore and didn’t want to string him along. I know the timing stunk, but pretending would have been worse.” I felt uncomfortable confessing everything, so I kept the rest to myself. Sasuke didn’t know about my cheating, and I wasn’t going to tell someone else and get it back to him that way. I felt my face heating up as Hinata let out a soft gasp. 

“So you ran straight to Kakashi?” Sakura’s voice held nothing but unspoken accusations.

“Sakura! Kakashi is one of my oldest friends!” I wasn’t going to lie to Sakura. Not to mention, it made sense if I wasn’t with them that I would have been at Kakashi’s. Why stay at a hotel when you have friends?

“Yea, but you want more than that with him, I can tell the way you always looked at him.” Her accusing eyes bored into my soul.

“Sakura!” I couldn’t say anything else…I mean, she was right. However, I didn’t want to give up my secrets, so I kept silent.

“You bastard.” Sakura whispered, voice like venom as her eyes narrowed. “You cheated on Sasuke.” I didn’t have a response ready, so I just looked at Sakura. Her eyes widened slightly. “You fucked Kakashi! You fucking worthless piece of shit. Sasuke did nothing but love you and support you and you repay him with fucking some old fucking douchebag who runs out on you when things get tough? You are a pathetic piece of shit, Naruto, and I’m ashamed to call you my friend.”

“Wait a damn minute!” I felt myself getting angry. She can be pissed at me all she wants, but how _dare_ she insult Kakashi. “You don’t know a damn thing! You don’t know the reasons why Kakashi left! Anyways, I didn’t mean for this to happen! But it did. I can’t help it that Kakashi’s my soulmate. I didn’t mean to hurt Sasuke…but I did. And you’re right…he didn’t do anything to deserve this. In addition, I have to live with all that information for the rest of my life. I have to live with knowing I hurt my oldest friend beyond redemption. But, it was a choice of hurting two people or one, so I chose one.” I felt myself shaking.

“Yea, and fuck your old douchebag friend in the process. How dare you do that to Sasuke! When Kakashi runs out on you, as he has before and will again, don’t you dare run to Sasuke begging for forgiveness. I can’t believe you fucked over Sasuke. I thought you were a better person than that. Goodbye, Naruto.” Pushing away, the chair clattered over and Sakura rushed out. Hinata sat, looking at me, her eyes large.

“That wasn’t a see you later, that was final.” I responded to no one in particular. Hinata just looked at me and nodded her agreement. Sighing, I looked her in the eyes. “You wanna yell at me too?” I asked miserably, waiting for Hinata to berate me as well.

“No, Naruto. I don’t. I understand what happened, and I am sorry Sakura doesn’t. I know you didn’t mean to hurt Sasuke, and I believe that it just happened because you and Kakashi denied each other for so long. I could tell how you all felt about each other from early on. I thought it would be obvious to everyone. However, should you have cheated? Of course not. However, I do not believe you did so maliciously. So while I am disappointed in you, I’m not mad, and I still want to be your friend. If you need to talk, I’m here for you.” Squeezing my hand, she got up and headed out, righting the chair Sakura knocked over before leaving. I sat at the café for a long time, thinking of what I had lost.

()()()

When Kakashi got home that night, I had dinner on the table for him. I tried out a favorite recipe of mine that Sasuke never liked. It was a chicken breast wrapped around a portabella mushroom wrapped in bacon. It was covered in a creamy soup and sour cream mixture. Plating it on some rice, I sat down a plate for him and scooped out my food. Sitting it down, I sat down a bottle of wine and poured some into the glasses. Smiling, Kakashi sat down. “This looks wonderful Naruto. But really, you don’t have to try. I love having you here. And I enjoy cooking.” Picking up my hand, he kissed my knuckles. I smiled weakly, the afternoon with Sakura still on my mind. “Naruto, what’s wrong? Did something happen today?”

I looked up. “Hmm? Oh, well, I went and changed my address. I also met up with Sakura and Hinata today. Sakura was really mad and called me out on cheating. I hadn’t confessed, she just nailed it on the head. She ended our friendship over it.” I looked down. I didn’t feel like repeating what she said about him. I felt him squeeze my hand.

“I’m sorry Naruto. Really I am. I never wanted to come between your friends and you.” Looking up, I saw the sadness in his eyes. Seeing that, I just wanted to hold him. 

I smiled at him. “Hey, I’ll miss Sakura, but she’s not really my friend if she’s not willing to see me through the difficult times too. Hinata still is, so I haven’t lost them all. Besides, I couldn’t lose my closest friend and I couldn’t keep hurting him.” Holding his hand, I kissed his knuckles as I kept eye contact. Leaning over, he kissed me gently, catching my breath at how good and how natural it felt. Leaning back, he gave a half smile and then went back to eating.

After dinner, Kakashi offered to take me out to a jazz club to relax and have a few drinks. I had never been to a jazz club, so I said sure, it sounded like fun. Heading out, he held my hand and led me to the club not far from his apartment. I smiled at the interior. I liked it. It was dimly lit with a bunch of soft cushioned benches surrounding circular tables. The colors were dark reds, grays, and blacks. Ushering me over to one of the booths in the corner, Kakashi sat down and scooted in, allowing me to scoot in next to him. Sitting down, the music was soft and relaxing. As the waiter came by and took our order, I looked at the band. I big smile split my face when I recognized the brunette pony-tailed sax player. I noticed that Kakashi had moved to where I could lean back against his chest. Leaning back against Kakashi, I sipped my drink as I laid my head on his chest. Smiling contentedly, I closed my eyes. Enjoying the music, I just relaxed.

I felt Kakashi’s hand rest on my thigh, tapping lightly to the music. When the band took a break, I opened my eyes and sat up. “Hey, I’ll be right back, okay?” Kakashi nodded, adjusting his sitting position. Slipping out of the booth, I went and tapped on my old friend’s shoulder. Turning around, I saw those espresso colored eyes analyze me as he lit a cigarette.

“What a drag, seeing you.” Shikamaru said, a grin creeping over his mouth.

“I could say the same about you!” I hugged him as he cringed. “Where’s the wife?” I looked around for Temari and her spiky blonde hair.

“Eating, probably. We found out our baby’s gonna be a boy.” Shikamaru said as he took another long drag.

“Hey, congratulations!” I grinned and popped his shoulder. 

He shrugged. “How are you and Sasuke doin?” he asked after letting out a cloud of smoke.

I frowned and rubbed my neck. “We aren’t together anymore.” I shrugged.

Shikamaru never lost a beat. “Well, good, I didn’t like him anyways. He was always being a little bitch. You with Kakashi now?”

I raised my eyebrows. _Geez, is it that obvious?_ “What the hell do you mean?”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes as Temari came up with a pretzel. “Oh come _on_! It was written all over your face all the time. You’ve been in love with Kakashi since you were old enough to pull your pud. Please.” She huffed, as I turned red. Shikamaru laughed and tried to take a bite of pretzel as Temari kept it away. The band called Shikamaru back and he winked as she sat down. “Catch up after the show.” Shikamaru said over his shoulder. Heading back over to Kakashi, I sat down. 

“Saw Shikamaru and Temari. They are going to have a boy.” I informed Kakashi as I ordered another drink.

“Good for them.” Kakashi smiled and planted a kiss on my forehead. I liked it. I felt so…protected. Nestling against him, I thought that maybe the fallout from the divorce wasn’t _all _bad. Some friends left, but others stayed. In addition, I had Kakashi.


	11. Despair Kills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Sorry for the huge delay. While my family and I never got sick (thank God), Corona nevertheless has affected me financially, as I haven’t had an income since mid-March. Due to my unique circumstances, I couldn’t apply for unemployment and I don’t start my new job until July. So, financial stressors effectively blocked any font of creativity I had. Now things are getting better and my creativity is returning. However, I can’t get back into this story for some reason. I hate leaving stories unfinished, so I’m cutting this short, but getting an epilogue for it. That way it is finished, even if it was finished early. If you have a question about something, feel free to ask. I will be able to keep up Kakashi’s Butterfly (I’m working on a new chapter right now), and I’m starting a new story, the teaser of which I just put up. It’s called “Once in a Lifetime?”

The divorce was not pretty, and it wasn’t short. Even though neither man had much, Sasuke could not let go of the pain. He had always been jealous of Kakashi, because he had always _known_ of Naruto’s feelings towards the man. Therefore, Sasuke drug out the divorce as long as he possibly could. He was in pain, and hurt souls want to inflict pain on others. Looking back, he supposed that he had held out hope that Naruto would change his mind and come back to Sasuke. When that did not happen, Sasuke finally gave Naruto the divorce he wanted. However, Sasuke wasn’t a martyr, he couldn’t subject himself to that much pain; he never talked to Naruto again. 

Sakura never forgave Naruto. Any time she saw him, he could have sworn he had grown two heads and was a bug that needed to be squashed, quickly. She refused to speak to him, and it pained him greatly. However, sometimes hate spoke as loudly as love. Naruto loved her until his dying day, because she was his friend, even if she hated him.

Hinata remained a friend of Naruto, although they mostly kept in touch through Facebook, as Sakura didn’t approve of Naruto any longer. Hinata kept him abreast of their lives, including the birth of their baby Sheniwi. Naruto sent presents for their baby under the name Memna.

Kakashi and Naruto spent a long, happy life together. After Sasuke and Naruto’s divorce was final, Kakashi proposed to Naruto, properly, after the appropriate time. The wedding was beautiful, but small. Shikamaru and Temari were there, as well Gaara. Hinata came, hugging Naruto and wishing him well.

The murderer was never found, but the murders stopped after Itachi died. Naruto had dark dreams occasionally, but the couldn’t seem to remember them. Nevertheless, he knew he had nightmares because he would wake up with Kakashi rubbing his back, reminding him to breathe as screams tore from his throat. Naruto felt vaguely uneasy, like maybe, there was an important answer in those dreams, but he never really could figure it out. He tried to remember them; he would sit awake for hours trying to recall them, but he couldn’t. The only thing he ever remembered from the dream was one quote from a gruff, gravelly voice. “Despair kills.” He felt like that should tell him something, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

One night, when both men were naturally gray, they laid in bed, Naruto curled into Kakashi, his head laying on the older man’s chest. “Naruto?” The question hung in the quiet air.

“Hmmm?” Naruto shifted, hearing the pop of his elbows and frowning.

“Why did you do it?” Kakashi ran his fingers through Naruto’s soft hair.

“Do what?” Naruto asked, stifling a yawn.

“Set me up with Iruka, knowing it should have been you?” Kakashi’s question hung in the air as Naruto mulled over the answer.

“People in love do stupid things.” Naruto shrugged and nuzzled his head into Kakashi’s chest.

Chuckling, Kakashi kissed Naruto’s head. “But sometimes, people in love do smart things…like marrying you.” Kissing Naruto’s ring, Kakashi snuggled up to Naruto, both men falling asleep.


End file.
